


Always Love You

by shineefiction



Category: SHINee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2021-03-27
Packaged: 2021-04-25 15:15:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 44,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22313524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shineefiction/pseuds/shineefiction
Summary: Kibum was busy building a successful life for him in the city when his past comes calling. When he goes back to his hometown to care for a sick loved one, he realizes that the little he has left behind wasn't so bad after all.
Relationships: Kim Kibum | Key/Lee Jinki | Onew
Comments: 38
Kudos: 65





	1. City Life

Days like this make him miss home... Too much, almost.

The air today was chilly in the way that could only be fixed by a warm bowl of his Eomma's rice porridge. When he was younger, he was convinced that it had magical powers. The warm, thick soup didn't only help with the cold, but it also soothed Kibum's soul and quieted the rushing thoughts in his mind. It was a reminder that no matter what, there was always something familiar and comforting that he could come back to. But today, the only thing that was keeping his hands from freezing was the warm cup of coffee that he had gotten for himself on his way to work. He had tried to convince himself that this would have to do, as he had for the last many years. The thing is, it was never good enough. And it's not good enough today, either. 

The lobby of the office building was busy, filled with people who were getting to ready to start another work week. As usual, he was greeted with smiles from security who were waving him through the crowd as soon as they caught a glimpse of him. 

"Good morning, Mr. Kim," one of them said. "This way please."

In no time at all, he skipped the long lines and was on the express elevator, riding straight to the top floor. With all the fuss surrounding him, Kibum was still just a young man who was not quite sure about his place in the world. He shakes off his melancholy as he gets ready for another day at the office and takes a deep breath as he goes over his daily mantra quietly in his head. 

_I am intelligent, capable, hardworking. I add value to this office. I can do this. _

The elevator doors open and he walks confidently through the office, virtually ignoring every morning greeting that was being sent his way. It wasn't that he was trying to be rude... It was just that this was the few minutes in his day that he was laser-focused on the tasks he had to accomplish. Every day, he would use that short walk from the elevator to his office doors to think about his to-do list and all the different ways he was going to plow through it.

Kim Kibum had earned quite a reputation for himself.

He was the youngest editor for one of the biggest fashion magazines in Seoul and was famous for having an eye for the next big trend. Many young designers owe their careers to him for being the first one to notice them and bring them to the public's attention. His keen eye for talent was also balanced by an exquisite taste in everyday, wearable clothing-- a taste that helped cement their publishing house as a force in the fashion industry. Apart from his undeniable talents, Kibum was also known for his notorious work ethic. He demands perfection--not only from himself but from everyone around him. He is cut-throat and brutally honest, and this commanded a strange combination of fear and respect from colleagues and upper management, alike. 

"Good morning, Kibum," Soyou says, standing to greet her boss. "Do you want to hear your messages first or your schedule?"

"Hi, Soyou," he replies, setting his designer bag on the couch at one end of his office. With one hand, he fishes out his laptop and heads to his desk. "Let's go with messages today."

"Okay... Your Eomma called again. 'Kibum, I've been trying to get a hold of you since last night. Please call me back as soon as you can.'"

He sighs as he lays his coffee cup down on his desk. "Yeah, I know, I know... I keep forgetting to get back to her. Could you remind me to give her a call after that nine o'clock meeting? With...?"

"Your nine o'clock is an interview with Kim Jonghyun-ssi from The Times... For the piece that they're doing on you. Actually, he's already here. Just tell me when you're ready to see him," Soyou says, quickly leafing through her notes to make absolutely sure. "I'm penciling in a call with your Eomma for ten in the morning."

"Right, The Times," Kibum says, finally being able to take a seat. He didn't realize that the interview was scheduled for today. "Any other messages?"

"Just one more... What do you think of this?" Soyou says, holding up a mock-up that had been leaning against Kibum's desk. "They insisted on getting your approval before this was sent to the printers." She holds up two boards with different layouts for the spread featuring Kibum's newest discovery. 

"The one on the left," he says with a wave of his hand, after taking one look at the options. "And tell them to never again to send me mock-ups from the artist on the right. That person clearly doesn't have the eye to work with us. Don't use them again."

Soyou jots the comment down on her notebook and takes the mock-ups in her arms. "Sure, of course. Nothing more from the artist on the right. Ready to hear your schedule today?"

"Hmm. Maybe after The Times? I hate to keep a newsman waiting," Kibum says, straightening out his shirt and jacket. "How do I look?"

"Of course you look amazing, as always," Soyou says, with a smile.

"You spoil me. Give me ten minutes then send him in? Thanks so much."

"Anytime," his assistant says, walking out and closing the door behind her. 

An article in The Times... If nothing else said that Kibum had made it, this was it. His fast-rising star is the talk of the industry and he was being celebrated for his talents. If only he knew what to do with all the attention. 

He looks down at his buzzing phone, checking to see who it was. _Eomma_. He felt terrible ignoring the woman who birthed him for the nth time in a row, but he really didn't have other options as his next appointment was making his way through his office doors. 

"This way, Sir. He's expecting you," Soyou says, opening the door and giving Kibum a reassuring wink. "Kim Kibum-ssi, Kim Jonghyun from The Times is here for your nine o'clock appointment."

"Good morning, Kim Kibum-ssi," Jonghyun says, bowing respectfully. "On behalf of the publication, thank you for seeing me."

"Oh, please, the pleasure is entirely mine," Kibum says, bowing in return. The editor gestures towards the seat opposite his desk and prompts Jonghyun to take a seat. "Thank you for even thinking of me. It's an honor."

The journalist takes a seat and takes out his recording device. "The clamor to know more about you is pretty convincing. A farmer's son... Risking it all just to find your place in the city... Making waves in the industry even before you got out of university... Editor at 26 at the most prestigious fashion publication in the country, with your own office with a view. It's all quite fascinating. You're turning into somewhat of a celebrity in your own right."

Kibum smiles bashfully. He was really uncomfortable being referred to in that way. "Oh no, I wouldn't put it that way. The reason why I always wanted to work in fashion was that no one would really know I would be there. It could be more about the clothes, the art, more than anything else. All this attention... It's unnerving."

Jonghyun smiles. He could already tell that this would be a good interview. Despite how people describe him, Kim Kibum did not have any pretentions. Even now, he already came off as vulnerable and quite humble. Kibum was just a man dedicated to his craft, just like he was. 

The hour passed by faster than either of them had anticipated. They talked of Kibum's simple life growing up, and difficult it was to leave. They talked of the road that led the editor to where he was right now, acknowledging that he had very little to do with the circumstances that serendipitously lined up for him. They talked of his plans for the future and the exciting way that his publishing house was supporting him. It didn't seem like an interview at all. Both men enjoyed each other's company and understood each other's passion and commitment to the work that they do. They both got carried away trading stories and in no time at all, Soyou was knocking on Kibum's door, reminding him of his next appointment. 

The journalist obliges and reluctantly asks for a few minutes for Kibum to answer one last question. "Is there anything you regret?"

The young man wasn't ready for that one. He looks down at the floor and the energy in the room shifts. Kibum hangs his head low and takes a deep breath. "I don't really want to talk about it, but yes. Yes, I do. There's one thing I regret, and that's all I have to say about that."

"Alright. Fair enough," Jonghyun says. pressing the stop button on his recorder and arranging his stuff back into his bag. He tentatively stands up, getting ready to leave but abruptly turns his head to look squarely at Kibum. 

"Look, I usually don't do this... But I was wondering... Would you like to get dinner sometime? I know you're busy, but you still have to eat," Jonghyun says, a charm in his eye that sparked Kibum's interest. 

The young man smiles in return. "That's really sweet... But I don't really have time for dating."

"That seems like code for not interested," the journalist chuckles.

"Let's just say that I'm not ready for anything like that. And I'm not the type to start something I know I can't see through," Kibum says. "You get it, right?"

"Maybe I ended the interview too soon. Sounds like there's quite a story back there. But, sure. I get it. It's a shame though." Jonghyun stands up on his feet and makes his way to the door. "You know how to reach me if you change your mind. I really better get going. This isn't going to write itself. Thank you for your time, Kibum-ssi."

"Thank you too, Jonghyun-ssi. It was very nice to meet you," Kibum says, rising with his guest to show him to the door. "Let me know when it gets printed, okay? I want to send a copy back home. They like this kind of stuff."

"Sure," he replies, stretching his hand out for a handshake. "I'll let you know. See you around." The gentlemen shake each other's hand and Jonghyun makes his way out of Kibum's office.

The young man heaves a deep sigh of relief as he closed his office door. He wipes his suddenly clammy hands on his pants and realizes that he is shaking. For some reason, the tail end of the conversation was the part that he was most uncomfortable with. It was a surprise that being asked out on a date freaked him out this much. It wasn't that Jonghyun wasn't attractive. The journalist was cute, smart and confident. Based on the work that Kibum has read, he's also very good at his job. The more he thought about it, it was harder to justify turning the man down. Why didn't he take the plunge? 

He looks down at his wrist and runs his fingers across the frayed yarn wrapped carefully around it. The tattered bracelet is a reminder of what he had left behind... His one regret.

Kibum still really wasn't ready, even after all this time. 

_"So that's it? You're just going to leave?"_

_"I told you. What other choice do I have, Jinki?" Kibum says, trying so hard not to raise his voice. He stomps toward his closet and takes every piece of hanging clothing aggressively in his arms, with all the hangers hanging on for dear life. This entire conversation was starting to irritate him to no end. They had talked about the same thing for the last two days. It was getting tiring. _

_"You do have a choice. You could stay here," the older man said, as Kibum threw all the clothes on the bed angrily. It was quite humbling for Jinki to watch his boyfriend of two years start to furiously pack his suitcase, despite his protests. Loud thuds fill the silence as the younger man throws each _ _hanger_ _ on the floor. The only thing that cuts through the noise was Jinki's crystal clear voice. _

_"Kibum, please. Stay with me."_

_Jinki takes a seat down on the bed in surrender. Nothing he said in the last couple of days seemed to make a difference. It was becoming clear that Kibum had made his mind up; there was no going back. There was nothing else left to do but to accept the one thing that had been staring him in the face. But he was scared. He was so scared. _

_"I've never asked for anything... Except this... Please. I don't want you to leave."_

_The younger man stops in his tracks. Jinki's voice cracked, and this had never happened before. Kibum knew that this whole thing was starting to get to him--to the both of them. He lets the jacket in his hands fall haphazardly onto the open suitcase and joins Jinki on the bed. _

_They quietly sit across from one another, avoiding each one's gaze. _

_Kibum couldn't take seeing Jinki like this. The older one had always been the rock. He was always strong, clear-headed, calm. Seeing Jinki start to break down wasn't something Kibum was quite ready for. He knew it wouldn't be easy but he hadn't anticipated that he would actually be able to see Jinki's heartbreak before his very eyes. _

_"You've been by my side for as long as I can remember... I don't know how to be without you."_

_Kibum reaches out and pulls Jinki into a tight embrace. The familiar warmth of their bodies was an instant comfort to both of them. The older man buries his face into Kibum's neck, taking in a deep breath of his scent. The older man's arms were holding Kibum as firmly as he could, desperate to never let him go._

_"I'm sorry, Jinki," Kibum says, tears rolling down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry."_

Kibum is startled from his thoughts by the incessant buzzing on his mahogany desk. His phone was dancing across the surface, almost as if to convey how desperate the person on the other line was. This was the perfect time to answer anyway, so he walks back to his desk and picks up the phone. He braced himself for the scolding that he would most certainly get. 

"Eomma," he finally answers. "Before you talk my ear off, I'm really, really sorry about not getting back to you sooner. You know how my job is... I always have a million and one things to do and--"

"I'm calling about your Halmeoni, Kibum. It's time. You have to come home."


	2. Return

_The skies were blanketed in beautiful hues of pinks and oranges and purples. He had grown used to ending his day this way. _

_Jinki sits atop his favorite hill--the hill that they used to share. A thousand sunsets must have gone by since the last time he had heard from him. He didn't know if it was pathetic, but he had gotten used to the pain. He had learned to live with the gaping hole in his heart. But acceptance did not mean healing._

_A familiar voice pierces through the silence. "Hey, Hyung. I thought you would be here." Jinki turns to see a familiar face--one that he loves, but not the one that he was longing to see. "I thought I would keep you company today... And thought maybe you wanted one of these," Minho says, handing him a cold bottle of beer._

_"Thanks," Jinki says, not taking his eyes off the sun sinking on the horizon. He was grateful to have someone beside him. It takes the sting of loneliness away, even if just for a while._

_"So... Still nothing, huh?"_

_Jinki didn't even want to answer. To answer Minho would mean it was real. To answer him meant giving a voice to the horrible void in his heart. He kept looking out onto the sunset as he took a swig from the cold bottle. Strangely, the icy glass in his hands gave him comfort. _

_"You really aren't going out there?"_

_The older man shakes his head. "I can't. Appa still isn't well and there's so much to do here. I can't leave Eomma to do everything by herself."_

_"You know I would help if I could, it's just that--"_

_"I know, man. You have your own stuff to deal with. It's fine. Don't worry about it." _

_Jinki bites the inside of his cheek, not wanting to seem desperate. But the question was almost crawling out of his throat and had a life of its own. Every second that he ignored it, it seemed to squeeze the life out of him. He closed his eyes briefly before finally blurting it out. "Have you heard from him?"_

_Minho tenses up and hesitates. _

_"You have, haven't you?"_

_"Taemin mentioned that he got a call from Kibum the other day... I'm sorry, Hyung..."_

_The words were like knives to Jinki's heart. "How is he?"_

_"He seems to be adjusting well in the city... Taemin says he's really enjoying school and is acing his classes..."_

_"That's great. I'm glad," Jinki replies, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice. He knew it seemed selfish, but a tiny part of him had hoped that Kibum was just as miserable as he was. Hearing that he was thriving without him hurt more than he expected it to. _

_"He asked about you... Taemin tried to tell him to at least send you a message but he really didn't want to budge," Minho says, turning to put a hand on his friend's shoulder for comfort. "I know he'll come around. You know how he can get... Let's just give him time, Hyung."_

_Even if he desperately wanted to believe Minho, somehow Jinki knew that time wouldn't be enough. He didn't want to lose hope that things between them would get better, but all signs pointed otherwise. He had to face the fact that there was nothing more that he could do. He screwed this up. _

_Being in the midst of dusk suddenly didn't seem as appealing to him anymore. The older man starts to rise and walk away. _

_"Hyung, are you alright? I'm sorry... Maybe I shouldn't have told you..."_

_"Let's get home before it's dark," Jinki replies, becoming even more sullen then when he first arrived at the hill. He taps his friend on the back as they both start to head back. _

_"I'm really sorry, Hyung," the younger says, taking the drinks in his hands. _

_"It's alright. The days aren't going to pause for us. I'm just going to have to get over it someday."_

_As soon as the words left his lips, he wished with all his heart that someday would come sooner than expected. _

*****

It was hard for him to sit still the whole train ride home. He couldn't bear the thought of having to go back because his grandmother wasn't doing well. A tear rolls down his cheek as he is overwhelmed by the thought of just how much she meant to him. All those hours spent by her side when he was a child were some of his most treasured memories. The thought of anything happening to her was already breaking his heart. 

_"Maybe I should have visited sooner; more often," _he thought to himself.

But he suddenly remembers why he never did. 

Kibum takes a deep breath at the eventuality of seeing him again. Despite his best efforts, their paths would eventually have to cross. The town was just that small, and the news of his return would surely have reached everyone by now. Bracing himself for the encounter was nerve-wracking. He wouldn't even know what to say. After so many years, there was just a symphony of hurt and pain and disappointment and anger all muddled together in his heart. Kibum had to remind himself that he wasn't the reason for the visit. He was going home for his Halmeoni; his sweet Halmeoni. 

His phone rings in the middle of his thoughts and immediately sits up as he sees his boss' number on the screen. He really didn't need any pressure right now--not when so many things were weighing on his mind. 

"Hello, yes, Boa Sunbaenim. Good morning."

"Good morning, Kibum," Boa says on the other line, sounding uncharacteristically sympathetic. "Soyou told me what happened. I'm so sorry that you have to head home under such circumstances."

The young man was caught off-guard by the sincerity in her voice. His boss usually meant business 24/7. He certainly wasn't used to seeing this side of her. "Uh... Th-Thank you, Boa Sunbaenim. I hope you don't mind, but I filed for leave until Friday. I'll be back in the office first thing Monday morning. I know that there are deadlines to attend to and I'll be sure to keep lines open anytime you need me and--"

"It's okay," Boa interrupts. "I talked it over with Soyou and it seems that you haven't taken any personal days in years. Please use up your free days for this trip. I insist. We can talk through calls and emails anytime. Just enjoy your time back home."

Kibum was stunned into silence. 

There was a deep sigh from the other end of the conversation. "I know that I haven't been the most lenient boss... It's all the pressure we get from corporate. But I do understand having to spend time with family."

"B-but Sunbaenim, I've left too much unfinished... The book for the next issue hasn't even--"

"We can handle it for a few days, Kibum. Really. Besides, you've been working so hard that everything can practically function without you for a while," Boa replies. "You know, you remind me of myself when I first started. I was so hell-bent on making my dreams come true. My life became all about what I did at work but everything has its trade-offs... I see you spending way too much time around here, Kibum. You're taking that extended leave, and I won't take no for an answer. I already told Soyou to handle it with HR. See you in two weeks, okay? I'll be ringing you if there's anything urgent. Have a safe trip."

The phone clicks and the line goes dead. Kibum was left there trying to process the conversation that he just had. His emergency visit suddenly turned into a full-blown vacation. The thing was, the prospect of time off didn't make him feel as at ease as he thought it would. It was a little unnerving to not have to think about work when it was the one thing that kept his life occupied. _"I guess this is a good thing," _he thinks to himself. _"I can spend more time with Halmeoni, and Appa and Eomma... And catch up with Taemin and Minho and..."_

Kibum shifts in his seat. Him again.

It was really becoming clear that he had no way of escaping it. He had to figure out a way to be okay with seeing Jinki again. But first, he had to be okay with even just the thought of him. 

*****

It was the perfect day. The wind blew gently and made the blades of grass along the country roads seem like they were dancing. Sunshine peeked through some clouds that illuminated the town with just the right amount of sunlight. The air was crisp and not too cold--not at all bad for autumn weather. 

A huffing Taemin runs across the Lee field and into the main barn where Jinki had already been hard at work for some hours. The young man pushes through the heavy door and secures the satchel he was wearing across his body. 

"Hyung," Taemin says in between breaths and waving his hand for Jinki to come towards him. "The train... It's coming soon... Let's... Go..."

"Good morning to you too, Taemin," Jinki says, taking a crate into his hands and moving it to the other end of the barn. The older man takes a deep breath as he could feel anger rise from his throat. Today was the day that he dreaded the most and he had hoped that his best friends in the world would have been keen enough to leave him alone about it. He continues to tidy up the barn and move the crates as he had been, pretending to not hear a word that Taemin says. 

"But he's coming!" the young man says. "Didn't you hear me? Kibum Hyung's train is coming soon! I know you won't admit it, but you've been waiting for this too! I know you have! He's finally coming back home!"

The older man looks at Taemin in the eye for a split second. It almost broke his heart to wipe that smile off the young man's face. Jinki pats his head before he steps around him to grab more crates. "I don't think he thinks of this place as home anymore."

"So... You aren't coming with us to the station?" the young man asks, his face crestfallen. Taemin digs into his satchel and holds up pieces of cardboard that obviously still had patches of wet paint. "But I made banners..."

"Not right now, Taemin," Jinki says, picking up another heavy crate with ease. He didn't want to be rude to Taemin but the young man kept poking at a sleeping bear. Jinki's knuckles are almost white because of how fiercely he is clutching the crate. He could literally feel the anger as chunks rising up in his throat. Luckily, he already had an excuse prepared. He hoped that it would be enough for his dear friend to get a hint and drop the subject. "I have shipments to make today. Besides, I don't think my face will be the first thing he wants to see when he gets off that train. Thanks, though. And the banners are cute. He'll love them."

"You aren't coming?" A third voice asks, popping up from behind the door. Minho's face is as disappointed as Taemin's, with a mixture of worry. He really hoped that they could welcome Kibum home as a complete unit, just like old times. "C'mon, Hyung. It's always been us. His Halmeoni is sick. He needs us."

"And what about when I needed him?" Jinki says, throwing the crate forcefully onto the ground, shattering its sturdy frame. The sound of the wood hitting the floor echoed through the entire barn. Minho and Taemin look at each other worriedly as Jinki quickly turns away from the both of them, careful to not let them see the tears forming in his eyes. 

Jinki was never one to show emotion--especially not like this. He clutches his fists at his side. "Just... I'm not going, okay. The two of you be careful and I hope he arrives safely," he says through clenched teeth.

"S-Sorry, Hyung," Taemin says, sheepishly. He quickly hid the banners behind his back, as if putting them away could appease Jinki.

"We just thought you might want to be there," Minho says, carefully while putting his hand on the maknae's back to comfort him. Neither of them wanted to push the older man any more than already have. "Of course we understand if you don't want to come. It's okay... It's completely fine..." He turns to the young man and signals for him to leave Jinki to himself. "Let's go, Taemin. We might miss him. Bye, Hyung. We're sorry..."

Jinki is still turned away as they let themselves out of the barn. 

"Bye, Jinki Hyung," Taemin whispers, as he closes the door behind them. "I'm really s-so sorry."

As soon as they were gone, Jinki kicks the broken crate and collapses on the ground. All the rumors of his return gave him time to prepare, and he foolishly didn't really give it much thought. He thought he was ready to face Kibum after all these years, but now that he's finally here it feels like everything just happened yesterday.

"Get a grip, Lee Jinki," he says to himself, wiping the tear rolling down his cheek and getting up off the floor. "He doesn't matter anymore."

But he did. He still did.


	3. Back Home

_It was a really slow afternoon. Jinki and Kibum were sitting at the bleachers as they waited for Minho and Taemin to finish soccer practice, as they always did. As usual, Jinki was already busy working on his homework and the younger man couldn't help but stare at him as he did so. _

_He had been noticing him more and more the past few weeks. The way his hair fell across his forehead... The way he quietly watched over their close-knit group of friends... This was his favorite thing to watch, though. Seeing Jinki concentrating over homework was fascinating, to say the least. Kibum watched him quietly mutter to himself and purse his lips as he was deep in thought. It was torture; he couldn't keep it to himself anymore._

_"You're cute, Lee Jinki. Did you know that?"_

_The older man looks up from his notebook and is taken aback by the question--especially since it came from the one person that he had been pining over for so long. "Huh?"_

_"I knew it. You have no idea, do you?" Kibum says, with a smirk on his face. "They talk about you, you know? Almost everyone at school... I can hear them."_

_Jinki still didn't know how to respond. He sat there with his tongue caught in his throat, staring as Kibum went on his strange interrogation. The older man's heart was starting to beat furiously in his chest and there was nothing else to hold onto but the pen in his hand. Kibum was in one of his playful moods again, and Jinki braced himself. He knew that whatever it was that Kibum was plotting, he was about to get his way. He had no choice but to play along. _

_"They keep talking about how cute you are, how kind you are, how strong you are... They're not wrong. But they're missing out on a lot, too. We have that advantage--Taemin, Minho and I... We know the truth," he says, looking out at the soccer team, who all looked half-dead doing drills over and over again. _

_Jinki swallows the lump in his throat. He wasn't quite sure where Kibum was going with this. "The truth?"_

_"Yeah, Jinki. You're more than just a pretty face. You're loyal and hardworking and you sacrifice a lot for the ones that you love." Kibum looks over at the older man, who was by now positively pale. Jinki was frozen in place and Kibum could see that he was growing more nervous by the second. There was no point in making this go on any longer. "I know you've liked me for a long time. Right?"_

_"Uh..."_

_"Are you going to deny it? You don't have to... Minho told me. Taemin too. Well, they didn't have to but they did... I'm not dense, Jinki. You treat me differently. I can tell for myself."_

_Jinki heaved a huge sigh and didn't know what else to say. He looked like he had been caught like a deer in headlights. Kibum was right, there was no sense in trying to deny it now. He nervously looks around and catches Minho's eye. The younger man looks up at the bleachers with a concerned look on his face, but there was nothing that anyone could do for him now. _

_Kibum goes on. "So here's the deal: You like me, and it turns out I like you too. I got so mad... I don't really like it when other people talk about you like that, which is why I told everybody to shut up." The younger man takes a deep breath and decides to just go for it. "Do you want to be together? You and me. So I can officially get mad at other people when they try to scope you out like tomorrow's harvest."_

_"Wh-What?" The older man's heart was about to beat out of his chest. Was he really hearing everything correctly? After all these years, he finally had a shot?_

_"I've been thinking about it and it kind of makes sense. No one knows me better than you guys do--most of all, you. And I know you well, too. If I was going to do this, you would be a perfect choice, don't you think?" No one could be able to tell but Kibum's heart was racing, too. No matter how you look at it, being this forward was a leap of faith. The young man was scared of being rejected... But the thought of missing the chance to be with Jinki scared him even more. Kibum's courage was met with a shocked face and a prolonged silence. "What's wrong? Don't you want to be together?"_

_"NO! NO, IT'S NOT THAT," Jinki says, flustered. His things almost fall through the cracks of the bleachers as he tries to get a hold of himself. The older man hastily puts everything away and tries to wrap his mind around what's going on. "I just mean... A-Are you sure?"_

_"Aren't you?"_

"Sir."

Kibum is awakened by gentle tapping on his shoulder. 

"I'm sorry to wake you, Sir, but we're about three minutes away from the terminal. I just thought you would want to know," the conductor says with a smile on his face. 

"Oh, th-thank you very much," Kibum replies, rousing from his sleep. He realizes that it was a dream and looks around to remind himself where he was. The young man straightens up and ruffles his hair. "I appreciate it."

"It's nice to see you, Kibum-ssi," the conductor replies. "You've grown up well."

Kibum suddenly notices that this was no stranger tapping him awake. It was a face that he recognized from his youth--aged, but still definitely the same kind eyes that watched him grow from two houses down the road. 

"Lee Sooman-ssi? Goodness!" Kibum snaps up from his seat and gives him a warm hug. "What are you doing here? You're a conductor now?"

"Hello, Son," he says, returning the quick embrace. "Yes, well, after my wife passed, the house got too big and empty. I've always wanted to see more of the country. And this way, they pay me to travel. What more can I ask for?"

Kibum's eyes shifted at the news. Mrs. Lee had always given him and his friends treats whenever she would have a batch of them fresh out of the oven. It was confirmation that life went on without him. "I'm so sorry to hear that... She was a lovely lady. One of my favorite people."

"The feeling was quite mutual," Sooman says. "You've made us all very proud. The entire town is eager to see you... I see a few of them now." The old man nods to the window as the train gently pulls to a stop. Clear as day, there were a couple of friends eagerly waiting for his arrival in the middle of the terminal. Kibum's heart skips a beat as the moment was finally here.

"Welcome home, Son."

*****

Taemin is steadfastly holding his homemade banner to his chest and craning his neck to see better over the horizon. "I don't see him anywhere," he says.

"That's because the train isn't even here yet," Minho replies, suppressing a chuckle. He looks down at the young man's shuffling feet and feels duty-bound to keep him calm. "Relax, will you? You're making me nervous."

"I'm just really excited. Do you think he still looks the same? I mean, he must have fancy city clothes on, but he'll still look the same, right? Aren't you excited, Hyung?"

"Of course I am," Minho says, his voice trailing off. "But my mind's still on Jinki Hyung if I'm being honest. I've never seen him like that, have you? Maybe he's still not ready to see Kibum again."

Taemin's face crinkles as he looks over at Minho with his brows furrowed together. "What do you mean he's not ready? But it's been years... You mean he needs even more time?"

"It's not that simple, Taemin," the older man replies. "What happened was really painful for Jinki Hyung... For both of them. You were there; you know what it was like."

Both of them think back on what it was like those first days that Kibum had left for the city. It was hard to see people they loved to be in such pain. Those times were tough on all of them. 

"You're right," the young man says. "I really shouldn't have nagged Jinki Hyung to come. You think Kibum Hyung isn't ready either?"

"I don't think he has that on his mind just yet... His Halmeoni--"

"THE TRAIN! THERE IT IS!!!" Taemin shouts as he sees the train approaching. His hands shoot up, raising his banners in the air with a huge smile on his face. He feels a rush of emotion and flies into a panic. "Oh no. I can't cry. Kibum Hyung is gonna tease me for it. Hyung, tell me not to cry."

"Don't cry, Taemin," Minho says, holding back tears of his own.

_"Come back when you can, okay?" Taemin says in between sobs. "And you have to call us the minute you get into the city."_

_"I will," Kibum replies, tears in eyes. "You have to stand up for yourself now, okay? I won't be there to make them shut up anymore but I know that Jinki and Minho won't let anything happen to you. Take good care of yourself, okay? You little brat." _

_He and Taemin often teased each other, but it was always because it was the only way that they knew how to show affection. To not have someone to pester every day would be hard for them both. They release each other from the embrace and Kibum moves on to say his goodbyes to Minho. _

_"He really isn't coming?" Kibum asks, trying to mask the hope in his voice._

_Minho hangs his head in regret. "I'm sorry... I tried. I don't know what else to say... I guess this is all just too difficult for him," the younger man says. _

_Kibum had never been more devastated in his life. "It's okay... Thank you," Kibum replies. Maybe not having him there was better. Having to say goodbye to these two was hard enough. He takes comfort in Jinki trying to save him from more hurt, as he takes Minho in his arms. "I'll miss you guys so much."_

_"Me too, Kibum. Take care out there," he responds, giving his friend the tightest hug he ever had. "We'll be waiting right here when you come back."_

_"Really?" _

_"You can bet on it," Taemin says, wiping the tears from his cheeks. _

Kibum tries to swallow the lump forming in his throat as he steps off the train. He didn't realize until now just how emotional coming back would be. The air was fresher, the sun was brighter... Everything just felt better here; more comforting. There was love all around him.

He looks around at the platform, trying to find the people that he spotted a few minutes ago. But they spotted him first.

"HYUNG!! KIBUM HYUNG!!!" Taemin shouts, rushing towards him with such a great speed that Kibum got scared to be toppled over. "Kibum Hyung, Kibum Hyung!! We missed you!" 

Taemin engulfs him in the tightest embrace he has ever had in his entire life. It was hard to admit, but he did miss the little brat. He returns the embrace as his eyes fill with tears. "I missed you guys, too," Kibum says, feeling his neck get wet with Taemin's tears. "Are you crying?"

"No," Taemin says, immediately releasing Kibum from his embrace, wiping his cheeks and turning away. "Of course not. Why would I be crying?"

"Well, I'm not gonna hide it," Minho says, with tears in his eyes. He steps forward to take Kibum in his arms as well. "It's so good to see you. Welcome home."

"Hi, Minho," Kibum replies as they hug it out too. It was almost too much for Kibum to handle but he was able to control his tears. "It's nice to see you too."

The three of them stand there smiling at each other, completely joyful about being reunited. 

"How was your trip?" Minho asks.

"It was really convenient, to be honest. Things have changed a lot--that's for sure. Thanks for the banners, brat. I could see them from a mile away," Kibum teases. Taemin blushes as he was trying to get a hold of his emotions. Kibum taps his shoulders and is surprised at how not so little their little maknae had become. "Look at you! You're not so skinny anymore, huh?"

"Yeah, he's been helping out at our farm a lot. Lots of heavy lifting," Minho replied. "But you! You look so polished!"

"Wow. Hyung, your clothes are straight out of your magazine," Taemin says, amazed and trying to feel the unfamiliar fabric of Kibum's clothes.

"Thanks, but it's really just part of my job. A lot of these are free but don't tell anyone. I want them to think I can actually afford all this stuff," he says with a chuckle. "I snuck some out of the office for you guys."

Minho smiles widely. "Good to hear that you haven't changed much," he says with much love in his eyes. "Are you ready? Your Eomma has been calling us non-stop."

"Yeah, Hyung, everyone is so excited to see you! Let's get you home!" Taemin says as he grabs the older man's suitcase.

The word fills his heart with comfort. Home... He was finally back home. 

They walk towards Minho's car with much chattering in the air, mostly coming from Taemin. He tried to keep up but his brain really wasn't able to focus too much on what the young man was saying. Between the realization of how much he missed the countryside, his Halmeoni, and the dream he just had... Kibum knew this was going to be a tough visit. But for now, he was just glad to be in the company of people he loved and who loved him back. 


	4. Same and Different

"Here we are," Minho says, as they pull up in front of the Kim household. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah... Thanks for picking me up," he replies, doing a poor job of hiding the uneasiness in his voice.

He couldn't help but stare at his childhood home. Everything was exactly the same as Kibum remembered it--a little worse for wear, but still the same. 

Taemin quickly jumped out to take the older man's luggage inside, while Minho stayed with Kibum as he slowly alighted from the car. He approached the house with caution, almost ashamed that he had gone this long without showing his face. He was excited to see his family but scared to find out how things have really changed.

He and Minho walk up the path and Kibum pushes the low wooden gate open. As expected, it was weakly latched and opened as quickly as it did in his youth. It was surreal being back here, standing in the small garden that he used to tend to with his grandmother. The reason for his return suddenly hits him as he looks around. Weeds had overgrown most of the space and the entire place looked generally unkempt. The most alarming thing was, her prized roses were wilted. His Halmeoni would have never let this happen. She was sick, he remembered. She really was sick.

The door to the home was wide open and he struggles to take his shoes off before going in. But all his nerves melted away when he feels a warm hand caressing his cheek.

"Eomma," Kibum says, looking up, immediately shooting up to wrap her in an embrace. "Eomma..."

He breathes in her scent, filling his senses with her presence. There were so many times through the years that he thought about her, and he could hardly believe that they were finally together. "I'm sorry, Eomma..." he says, trying to keep his tears from falling. "I've missed you so much."

His mother clutches him close, stroking the back of his head as she had always done when she wanted to comfort him. "My Kibum... I've missed you too. I'm so glad you're here..."

Mother and son were wrapped in a long embrace, the two friends looking on with tears in their eyes. "Thank you for bringing him home, boys," she says, smiling at Minho and Taemin through her own tears.

Kibum takes a deep breath as they pull away from each other and he finally is able to enter the home. He looks around to see that everything was the same... Exactly the same. The marks on the doorway chronicling his growth spurts were untouched. The piano on the opposite side of the living room was draped in the same checkered cloth that he remembers from his youth. The only difference was the pictures hanging on the wall. All his achievements through the years were displayed proudly for all the world to see. Although it seemed like they were worlds apart, Kibum was assured that his family was watching over him. It was overwhelming, to say the least. 

"We'll come back later, Kibum," Minho says. "We'll leave you to catch up with your family, and we kind of need to get back to the farm."

"Of course," Kibum replies, snapping out of his emotional haze. "I'll see you guys later, please? I still need to give you your presents. Thank you for taking me home."

"Please tell your Eommas that you're having dinner here, boys," Mrs. Kim says. "I'll have your favorites ready."

"Sure, Mrs. Kim," Taemin says, gleefully. The two proceed to let themselves out, waving goodbye. "See you later, Kibum Hyung."

"Thanks, guys. See you later."

His mother smiles softly as she looks at him with so much love. "Your Appa will be home soon. He just needed to get some things from the farm, but he knows you're here. It won't be long."

Kibum smiles weakly. He really would love to see his Appa again but there was only one thing on his mind. "How is she, Eomma? Tell me the truth," Kibum says, bracing himself for the worst news.

"Her cancer is back," she replies with a heavy heart. "It's been a few months now. We thought she was strong enough to beat it again but the cancer is stronger this time. The treatments didn't work as we had hoped. She just wanted to come home."

For the first time since coming back, Kibum lets the tears fall from his eyes. The young man buries his face in his hands and sobs. "Why didn't you tell me? I should have been here."

"Sweetheart, we know how busy you get... She was the one who wanted to keep it from you. She didn't want to distract you in any way. She's so proud of you, Kibum. We all are." His mother comforts him as he slowly is able to regain his composure. "She knows you're arriving today. Are you ready to see her?" 

"Of course I am..."

*****

_"Kibum! Come in before this gets cold!" _

_This had been his daily routine. After coming home from school, he would water the plants in the garden while his Halmeoni would cook him an afternoon snack. He had been out there for a few minutes now and as usual, she called him just as he was about to finish his chores._

_"Coming, Halmeoni!" he hurries to take his shoes off and runs into the kitchen to give her a kiss on her cheek. He peeks at the dish being served and his eyes widen in excitement. "Mmm, jajjangmyeon! It smells so good," he says, beaming. "I'm famished!"_

_"Well, you better eat up. I made enough for three people. I'm not about to let this go to waste," the older woman says, hand on her hip. _

_"Why did you make so much, anyway? Not that I'm complaining," he says, as both of them take a seat at the table. _

_"I thought Jinki would be here."_

_The mention of Jinki made him tense up. No one in his family knew that they were dating. Kibum was always nervous to bring this up with his family, especially because his Appa had specifically threatened him that he was too young to date, no matter how upstanding or impressive the person was. It was clear, and it was final: Kibum. Could. Not. Date. Anyone. _

_"Ah... Well, he had to back to help his Appa at the farm, so..." the young man replies, filling his mouth with noodles and hoping that his grandmother would just drop it. He ate a huge helping of noodles and did his best to change the subject. "This is really good. You've outdone yourself, Halmeoni."_

_The only thing was, she was the one person who could see right through him. _

_"He's been spending a lot of time here, that Jinki. He's a good kid. Helpful, respectful, kind... And he's grown to be so handsome, too. Don't you think so, Kibum? Isn't he handsome nowadays?" she asks, with a smirk on her face. _

_Kibum's heart races as he makes the fatal decision to shrug his shoulders. "I don't know. I guess." He regrets it immediately. Shrugging was THE tell-tale sign that he was keeping something--or in this case, trying to. _

_"Kim Kibum," she says sternly. "Have you forgotten? You and I, we don't have secrets. We are the ones who keep secrets from other people." _

_"I know, Halmeoni," he says, as a bead of sweat slowly drops down the side of his face. _

_"So... Since when?"_

_A wave of despair comes over him. There was no other way around it now. She had caught him. There was absolutely no point in denying it to her. Kibum puts his chopsticks down and heaves a deep breath. "It's just been three weeks, Halmeoni."_

_His grandmother throws her head back and lets out a hearty laugh--the kind that comes from one's belly and shakes the entire house. _

_"Please don't tell Appa... He'll kill Jinki's Appa, and then Jinki, and then me," he says, his eyes pleading. _

_"Of course I won't say anything, you silly boy. He would kill me, too. My son thinks I encourage you too much," she says. "I knew it, though. It's in your eyes. The way you and Jinki look at each other has changed."_

_"Has it, Halmeoni? Oh no... What do I do?" _

_"Don't worry, Kibum. I'm the only one that can tell, that I'm sure of," she says, stroking his arm for comfort. She had a smile on her that took away all of Kibum's fears. There really was no one else he could rely on more than his sweet Halmeoni. "Don't be scared. I think this is wonderful. I've always thought you two would make a good match. Now, tell me about him."_

*****

"Halmeoni...?" 

Kibum carefully opens the door to the dark bedroom. The blackout curtains were drawn so that she could sleep comfortably at any time of day. He takes light steps into the room, hoping not to disturb her as she slept. It was difficult to make out in the dark, but the figure on the bed was frail and thin--not at all the woman that Kibum had so fondly remembered. He takes a chair and sits beside her bed, not wanting to believe his eyes. 

"Oh, Halmeoni," he says, gently stroking her forehead. She looked so tiny like this. It broke his heart into a million pieces. 

She rouses from her slumber and weakly opens her eyes to see who was beside her. 

"It's me, Halmeoni... I'm home," he says, unable to stop the tears falling from his eyes. 

"Kibum," she slowly clasps his hand in hers and smiles.

The young man instantly recognized that smile. It really was his Halmeoni who was this sickly, small lady laid down on that bed. He throws arms over her and weeps on her shoulder. "Halmeoni," he says in between sobs. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

It was all that he could say. The deep shame that came from years of neglect and taking her presence for granted almost drowned him. He would give anything to turn back time.

"No, my darling... There is nothing to apologize for... You're here now... Just seeing your face gives me strength... I'm fine, now that you're here."

*****

It felt like the air had shifted. 

It's foolish to even think that one person's presence was enough to change everything about the town, but it sure felt like it did. Jinki felt a buzz in the air, like everything had suddenly sprung to life again. Or maybe it was all in his head.

"Jinki," his Eomma says, coming into the barn with his morning snack. "I thought you wouldn't be in today."

"I'm right here, Eomma," he says, laying down the last of the wooden crates at the back of the barn. "I'm right here, where I've always been and always will be."

His mother's face crinkles a bit. "Isn't Kibum coming back today? Why didn't you go down to the station to meet him?" 

He takes a seat beside his mother on one of the benches and shakes his head. "Not today."

"Well, are you going to go see him later? His Eomma called to ask if you wanted to join them for dinner. Minho and Taemin will be there," she says, patting her son on the arm. "I think it would be nice for you boys to all be together again, especially now."

Why was everyone on his back about seeing Kibum today? Jinki couldn't really vent his frustrations out on his mother, so he tries to calm himself down before responding. A sip from her original coffee blend always helped. 

"Maybe not right now, Eomma. He might not want to see me... It's not worth putting him under that stress. He's here for his Halmeoni."

The pair sits in silence as Jinki eats his snack. There was tension in the air as both of them were trying to feel the other, wondering about the right thing to say. 

"Are you alright, Son?" his mother asks, a deep concern in her eyes. 

"I don't know, Eomma..." he says, his eyes brimming with tears. "I thought I would be. But I really don't know."

*****

"Don't tell my Eomma, but your galbichim is the best, Mrs. Kim," Taemin says, as he prepares to take quite a spoonful into his mouth. 

"What high praise," she smiles warmly. "Thank you so much, Taemin. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. We've missed you boys coming over."

"Having a lively house is a breath of fresh air," Mr. Kim says. "That's the magic of having Kibum back. It finally feels like home again." 

Kibum smiles at his Appa. The young man never remembered him being so openly proud of him in this way. It was a new but certainly welcome feeling. 

"Someone's missing though," he continues. "Where's Jinki?"

Everyone at the table hangs their head at the question, allowing Kibum to answer the question as he pleased. But he catches Minho's eye and pleads for help. 

"Ah, he sends his regards," Minho says, flustered. "He really wanted to make it tonight but it's the end of the month, so he's really busy with processing orders and shipment, and all that."

"That's a great problem to have," Mr. Kim replies. "Their farm seems to be doing well. Jinki did a good job pivoting the business. I'm glad."

"Pivoting?" Kibum asks, letting his curiosity get the best of him. 

"Cheese, Kibum Hyung," Taemin says. "They sell cheese now. There was a time when grains didn't do so well, and some of the farmers kept losing crops because of the weather. So Jinki Hyung decided to invest in something different. He makes his own cheese, and they're becoming quite famous, too."

"Famous for cheese?"

Minho enthusiastically nods his head. "Jinki Hyung was so smart in getting ahead of that farm-to-table trend. He's hooked up with a lot of restaurants and artisan shops in the city, not to mention his online business. He's so busy. He employs almost a fourth of the town now."

"I'm surprised you don't know about this, Kibum," his Appa says. "Apart from you, Jinki is the town's biggest success story."

The young man just looks down at his plate and continues eating. His father never caught wind of them being together, not even after all these years. And Kibum wasn't keen on letting him know just yet. 

"That's great," he mutters. "Good for him."

He didn't want to let on that he was relieved to finally hear something about Jinki--anything. He had always felt a sense of responsibility for leaving him behind. But to know that Jinki had done well without him... Somehow it was a huge weight of off Kibum's chest. Maybe there was hope for this visit yet. 


	5. Seeing You

It was weird to go on with his daily routine as if nothing changed. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't afford to slow down and process how Kibum's return had truly affected him. There was too much work. Jinki simply didn't have that luxury. 

The family business was in bad shape for many years. Selling crops was seasonal and the market was becoming too saturated. They just weren't making as much as they did in the past, and Jinki had to present a bold alternative to his family. Some people thought he was so brave to turn their business into something else entirely. But to him, it was just a matter of survival.

There were so many people that looked up to him and were grateful for the opportunity to be employed at their farm. In all honesty, he had enough people on his payroll to be able to sit back and purely focus on the business end of things, but there were certain tasks that he insisted on doing himself. This was one of them. 

Every week, he looked forward to checking in with one of his favorite people on this planet. He unloads his truck and pushes open the familiar wooden storefront door with his back. 

"Hi, Taeyeon," Jinki says, clutching a loaded crate in his arms. "I've got this week's delivery."

"You really don't have to do this, you know," she says, rising from the counter and rushing to help him with the door. 

"And miss bugging you each week? Not a chance."

Taeyeon rolls her eyes as she points towards the back of her grandfather's general store. "I cleared the shelves for you."

"Why do you always have to put my stuff in the back? I thought we were friends," Jinki teased.

"How many times do I have to tell you? People will never stop looking for your food, and they're gonna go through the entire store to get to it. That means an extra sale or two for me. You're staying in the back. It's a business strategy."

The older man chuckles as he goes where he's told to. But not before noticing the new layout on the cashier's counter. Kibum's magazine was front and center, along with what seemed like every back issue that they had in stock. "New decor, huh?"

"Of course! I haven't had the chance to swing by but I'm sure he'll be in here sooner anyway. I just want to make sure he feels welcome. Have you seen him?" Taeyeon says as Jinki disappears behind the shelves.

"Nope," he replies, a knot forming in his stomach. 

Dread comes over him. Gut feelings have always been a sore spot for Jinki. His intuition was always right. The problem was he hardly listened to them. He could have stayed home and finished some orders and avoided this entire thing. He didn't know how he knew, but he knew. Today was the day. It was hard to admit that the thought of what might happen completely terrified him. 

"Well everyone in town is gushing about him: how sophisticated his clothes are, how handsome he looks... But if you ask me, he's always been handsome. I can't wait to see him," Taeyeon says. 

Jinki could feel the hairs at the back of his neck stand as the bell rang and the front door opened. His fears were confirmed when he hears the shop owner's over-enthusiastic greeting. 

"Oh my God!!"

"Crap," Jinki mutters under his breath. Suddenly, his heart beat faster and he was sweating bullets. He knew that this moment would have to happen eventually but he was hoping that he had a little more time to prepare himself. He clenches his fist in the air and closes his eyes tightly, absolutely frustrated with himself. 

There were noises at various pitches coming from the two, Taeyeon in particular, as they did some catching up. But Jinki was too panicked to absorb anything that they were saying. He just wanted to get out of there fast. Peeking through the aisles, he could see that the two were completely engrossed in conversation. If he was really quiet, he could probably creep away without them noticing. The older man moves through the aisles as quietly as he could but it was no match against Taeyeon. Say what you want, but the girl knew her store like the back of her hand.

"--Oh! There he is! Jinki! Come say hi!" 

There wasn't anything else he could do now. The older man takes a deep breath, steps out from behind the shelves and shows himself. He thought time could help him but nothing could have prepared him for this moment. Seeing his old flame again felt like he had finally taken a breath after years of being underwater. Even after everything, Jinki couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips upon seeing his face.

After all these years, he was still... Perfect.

*****

Kibum liked being back home but he felt like he was living in a fishbowl.

Now he knew how celebrities must feel like. It was like he was in a parallel universe where his life wasn't his own. He couldn't walk ten steps without someone waving to him, or shouting at him, or plainly stopping him for a chat. Not growing tired of repeating the same things over and over again was especially difficult.

"Hello... Nice to see you again too. Thank you... Yes, it _has _been a while... No, not for good, just for a couple of weeks... Yes, she's doing well today... Thank you... See you around."

He had to admit though: It was nice to hear people tell him how they appreciated his work. Maybe all those hours he spent stuck at the office was worth it after all. Even if it was a joy to see everyone again, his back was starting to ache from all the bowing. He puts a hand to his hips, trying to relieve some of the pain.

He remembers last night's dinner as he walks the few yards to his destination. It was odd to talk about Jinki. He didn't even allow himself to think about him, let alone find out what he was up to. It was nice to know he was doing well. At least he had something to say just in case someone asked about him.

Kibum shakes away thoughts of Jinki as he finally happens upon the general store. The bell rings as he swings the door open, and is shocked to see that everything inside the store had changed drastically. The outside was still plain and rustic but the inside looked like any modern local grocery back in the city. Maybe some things have changed.

"Oh my God!!"

A jumping figure made its way from behind the counter. Kibum tried his best to make out who it was but all he could see was hair flopping all around. He suddenly found tiny arms wrapped around him in a tight embrace. A whiff of her shampoo was all that was needed to let Kibum know who it was.

"Taeyeon Noona," he says, finally relaxing into the embrace. The people in his town meant a lot to him, but there are a certain few that he held close to his heart. Taeyeon Noona was certainly one of them. "It's so good to see you."

"Look at you!! Everyone was right!! You look so good!! Wow, Kibum!!" she says, going in for another hug.

"You look really great, too. Even prettier than when I left. Plus, you're running the store now? It looks great, Noona. This is really amazing," he says, looking around with wide eyes.

"Do you like it?? Look, we always keep your magazine in stock. Everyone buys a copy each month just to see what you're up to. I can't believe you're here! Jinki and I were just talking about you!"

Kibum's mouth instantly goes dry. "Jinki? He's here?"

"Yeah! Wait, let me find--Oh! There he is! Jinki! Come say hi!"

*****

_"Hyung?" Jinki had been sitting alone at the cafeteria that day, oblivious that Minho had been tapping away at his shoulder for the last ten seconds. "Hyung, are you alright? I need to talk to you."_

_The older man clears his throat and shakes his head as if it could help snap him back to reality. Another lunch hour had gone by with him sulking by himself. It wasn't that he was upset at any of his friends... He just preferred being alone right now. Each day was getting harder and harder for him to go on as usual. It was like his heart had reached a tipping point, and his admiration was now becoming a painful yearning. And it was starting to hurt really bad. _

_Minho sits down beside him and looks him dead in the eyes. "You should tell him."_

_Jinki's heart plummets to his stomach as the words fall on his ears. He had never told a single soul about this. How could he? It terrified him to even utter it to himself out loud. To say that he was utterly panicked was an understatement. He makes a split-second decision to feign innocence._

_"What are you talking about?" he asks, quickly gathering his things and rushing out of the room, hoping that the younger man would drop it if he could outrun him. As if he could._

_Minho hurriedly follows him into the hallway. There was no way that he was giving up that easily. He gently tugs at the older man's backpack, making him halt. "Hyung, wait. Will you stop? I'm trying to talk to you." _

_There was no other choice than to face him. Jinki takes in a deep breath as he realizes that Minho was on a mission. The sooner he complies, the better it was going to play out for him. "Okay, fine. What is it?"_

_"For the love of God, Hyung. TELL HIM," the younger man says, rolling his eyes in frustration. "Do you think that we don't notice? The only thing you've stared at more than him is your journal, and that's only because you keep sketching his face."_

_"No, I don't!" Jinki replies defensively. "I make class notes!"_

_"Really? Show it to me then. Give me your journal," Minho says, making a lunge for the older man's backpack. _

_Jinki knew that he was no match for the younger when he starts being this way. The only thing more embarrassing than this confrontation is the look on Minho's face when he sees that he's right about the journal. He holds his hands up in an attempt to stop his annoyingly fast friend. "Stop! Stop! Okay!" _

_A huge smile breaks out on Minho's face. _

_"Fine, okay... I'll admit it..." Jinki says, feeling defeated. "Maybe I have a crush. So what?"_

_"A crush? Hyung, no. Crush was three years ago. You're way past that point now."_

_There was no arguing with that. _

_"Am I really that obvious?" the older man asks._

_Minho flings his head back in laughter and throws his arm over Jinki's shoulders. "If you were any more smitten, you would melt into a puddle."_

_"No, I wouldn't! I wouldn't," Jinki says, the certainty in his voice fading._

_"This will answer your question: What would you say if I asked you to describe Kibum in one word?"_

_That single word instinctively came to him, not even having to think about it before it escaped his lips._

_"Perfect."_

He was absolutely perfect. 

Jinki's words hung in the air for what seemed like a painful eternity. Kibum was visibly shaken to see him standing there, and the older man did his best not to make the situation any more awkward than it was. It's funny how a single moment can erase years of doubt.

"Welcome home. I hope your visit is going well."

Taeyeon was watching this exchange, slowly realizing that things weren't okay between the two men. She grabs Kibum's hand and squeezes it--as if to apologize for pushing them into this situation. Her eyes try to catch Jinki's as well, but he is staring intently at someone else. 

"Thanks, Jinki."

The two obviously needed to be left alone to clear the air. And Taeyeon couldn't wait to get out of the way.

"I have to... Uh... The stock room! I need to check the stock room. If someone needs me, tell them I'll be right back," she says, scrambling to leave.

The throbbing of Jinki's heart felt like a steady drumbeat in his ears. He imagined this moment so many times, in so many different ways, throughout the years. He had thought of everything he wanted to say, everything he wanted to do... But now that Kibum was standing in front of him, everything else flew out the window. All he could do was stare. Like he always did.

The older man clears his throat. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to make it to dinner last night. Your Eomma called mine but I'm drowning in work right now..."

"Oh. It's okay... I get it. Work always comes first," Kibum says, his voice trailing off. The way Jinki was staring at him was completely disarming. 

"Yeah... Maybe I can join you guys some other time before you get back to the city."

"Sure," the younger man says. "That would be nice."

"So... I kind of have to get back to the farm... Invoices... Packing... You know," Jinki says awkwardly. He tries to move towards the door but moving past Kibum was tricky. The two get stuck clumsily sidestepping one another until they are able to switch positions, with Jinki ready to head out the door.

Kibum didn't know what came over him, but seeing Jinki sparked something. After spending all this time being doubtful, wary, or even scared... Right now, he felt nothing but bravery. He was suddenly fed up with all the years of loose ends. "I know this might be a bit rude but can I come by later? Just to talk?"

The proposition surprises the older man. "Uh... Sure," Jinki finally replies. "Is after five okay?

"Yeah. Thanks," Kibum says, delighted that he wasn't rejected. "I'll see you then." They both give each other weak smiles as the older man walks out of the store.

Jinki smiles and closes the store door behind him. He quickly gets into his truck, his body still buzzing from the exchange. He didn't expect Kibum to be the one to touch base with him, but it was certainly a welcome gesture. Maybe they would finally get the closure they had been wanting for all these years. 

"It's time," he whispers to himself.


	6. Why

He didn't know what he was thinking when he asked to meet Jinki.

Seeing the older man with his own two eyes after all those years somehow caused him to act recklessly. The moments the words left his mouth, he wanted to take it back. But now, it was too late for all of that. He had to face this head-on. And maybe it was time to. 

Kibum walks up to the gate leading to the Lee farm--a place that he was surprised still brought him an immense feeling of comfort. Being here brought back a lot of memories. The wind hits his face, as cool and welcoming as he remembers it to be. He could see their hill in the distance, and his mind couldn't help but go back to the hundreds of sunsets they watched there together.

_The grass underneath them was a bit warm today from the rays of the sun--nothing that Kibum's picnic blanket couldn't fix. Summer was near and there were fireflies closeby. The younger man chuckles as Jinki finally gives up on trying to catch one. Both of them settle beside each other and lift their eyes to the sky to admire their favorite part of the day. These colors were their favorite. They agreed that it was always the prettiest before any of the pink and purple hues made it into their skyline canvas. The way the green grass met the orange light of the sun and the light blue of the sky gave them a sense of security. It was like a promise that a new day was coming and that everything was going to be alright._

_The past few days have been extremely stressful. Early as it was, Kibum was already hell-bent on getting a scholarship to a good university. He was busy researching what kinds of grades he needed to hit and what kind of activities he needed to be involved in to have a bigger chance of being considered. But these were things he was ready for... What he wasn't ready for were all the people that looked down on him and his goal. It seemed that everyone he talked to didn't believe he could make it. Everyone except Jinki, of course._

_"Don't you get tired of me?" Kibum asks, resting his head on Jinki's shoulder. Their bodies relax into each other, as this small touch was more than welcome. _

_"No... Why do you ask that?"_

_"I don't know," the younger man says, heaving a sigh. "Last night Appa said he's getting tired of me... I guess I've been so preoccupied with school, and I haven't been helping out at the farm as much as I should. It's weird... All my life, they've pushed me to go for more but now that it's getting closer... I feel like he's upset about this whole university thing. He says I don't know when to quit."_

_Jinki smiles, as he lifts his arm to wrap it around Kibum. "I happen to like that about you."_

_"Really?" The younger man's eyes look up at his beloved, astonished at how patient and loving he could be. _

_"I like that you're so determined. Besides, if you gave up easily, then I don't think we would be together." _

_Kibum scoffs playfully. "You make a good point. If I never said anything, then you would have stayed as my long-suffering admirer. You're lucky I made the first move."_

_"Does it matter who made the move? We're together now..." Jinki says, planting a kiss on the top of the younger man's head. "But you're right... I am lucky."_

_They both smile, quite content with themselves. They could have easily stayed this way forever. But Kibum being Kibum--he couldn't sit still for long. _

_"What about you?" Kibum asks. "Your graduation is nearer than mine. After school, what are you going to do?"_

_It takes a while for Jinki to answer, looking out onto the beautiful expanse in front of them. "Nothing big. He won't say so but Appa needs my help. So, I guess that's your answer..."_

_A silence fills the tiny space between them, both of them realizing what this means. For the first time, they were confronted with the reality that their lives might take them down different paths away from one another. And it was terrifying._

_"Let's not think about it yet," Jinki says, making the pivot as quick as he could. "We have time."_

_Kibum leans into Jinki's embrace, knowing that a year or so wasn't enough time at all. They both knew it was an outright lie, but it was less painful to believe it than deal with the truth. "Yeah, we have lots of time."_

The beautiful shades of blues and yellows still filled the sky as they did once, albeit a bit cloudy. He knew that their space on the hill had been empty for a long while. His heart aches for the memories lost, and Kibum suddenly remembers what he's doing here. The rolling thunder that echoed through the sky was a wake-up call to reality. Walking over to the barn, he tries in vain to steady his heartbeat and hopes that seeing Jinki now won't make him as crazy as it did this morning.

"Hey," he says, peeking his head into the barn. It was honestly hard not to stare when Jinki was looking much more handsome than this morning. Gruffiness always suited him, and his simple outfit hugged him in all the right places. 

"Kibum," Jinki replies, turning his head in surprise. He checks his watch, hastily running his hands through his hair. The older curses his luck at not even having the time to get ready. "Is it five already?"

"Your Eomma told me you'd be back here. I hope you don't mind..." Kibum looks around, fascinated by how much has changed. The barn looked new. It was definitely more modern, and much more spacious than before. "Wow."

Jinki smirks at Kibum's wide-eyed reaction to the premises, pleased with himself. He straightens out his outfit, grateful that Kibum was distracted by the surroundings. "It looks different, doesn't it?"

The younger man was too busy looking around to answer. The more he moved into the barn, the more impressed he became. Near the barn doors were rows of long tables that were used as an assembly line for delivery days. Crates were stacked one on top of another at one corner of the barn, likely used to organize orders for packaging. To their left was a makeshift showroom, where all of their products were beautifully arranged in state-of-the-art containers, ready to be showed-off to the next client. Towards the back was a mini office with a couple of computers and industrial-looking printers--the hub of the entire place. Behind that was what looked like a walk-in cooling system with transparent doors. Anyone could easily see the rows and rows of cheeses that were available for purchase.

"They told me that you guys had become famous but this is ridiculous," Kibum says, trying to take everything in. "How did you do this?"

"Started small," Jinki says, shyly putting his hands in his pockets. "Had a few orders here and there and when I was confident enough, I tried to sell some in the city. People seemed to like it, so I went to other cities. And it kind of caught on from there... I built a second barn so that we had a place to make and package everything. This is kind of the administrative station of it all."

Kibum catches a glimpse of the boxes and gasps. "Fifth Town? Fifth Town Artisan Cheeses? I buy this stuff all the time!"

Jinki chuckles, trying not to blush for the highest compliment he had ever received. He knew how picky Kibum was about his food. The elder had never been more proud of his work in his entire life. "I wanna show you something."

Kibum follows him to a table near the back where there were fresh batches of cheese on display.

"You have good timing. I just finished presenting this to a client. We're developing something new... I won't bore you with the details but here," he says, taking the plate from underneath its glass cover and cutting Kibum a slice to taste. He waits with anticipation as Kibum takes the slice from his hand and puts it into his mouth. "We're still working the recipe out but tell me what you think," Jinki says. 

"It's wonderful," Kibum says, his eyes growing wide with excitement. "There's something different to it that I can't quite put my finger on..."

"It's goat's milk... I noticed that there were some farmers who herd goats so I thought that we could develop something that could support that. Lots of farmers in town can benefit from this cheese. For this particular batch, we got some from your Appa, actually..."

"That's really thoughtful... Thank you," Kibum says, not being able to suppress the smile creeping on to his face. "Thanks also for letting me visit."

Jinki smiles back and shrugs his shoulders. "Of course... You're as much a part of this place as I am."

A silence falls across the pair as the sunlight around them was finally defeated by the looming clouds. All the years of waiting couldn't have prepared Jinki for what was to happen next. There was no turning back now. 

"So what happened? All those years ago... What really happened, Jinki?"

All of the older man's confidence melted away as his eyes dropped to the floor. The truth was, the shame of it all still haunted him. He didn't know what to say. The rumble of the clouds interrupted their reunion and the sound of the rain pouring outside became too much for either of them to bear.

_"Kid," said a person standing in front of him. "Kid, you have to go home. Do you have any identification on you?" He was too numb to look up. Too exhausted to realize to whom he was talking to. _

_Kibum stares blankly at the police officer. There was a concerned look on the officer's face, worried about the state of the young man before him. Kibum wordlessly hands him his university identification card and lets more tears fall down his already tear-stained cheeks. _

_"Do you live in the university dorms? Do you need a ride?"_

_He shakes his head, determined to stay right where he was. _

_"Look, Son, it's been hours. You can't stay here. I'd hate to write up a young man like you for loitering. You're already in a good school. Think of your future," he says sternly. _

_Future. He thought he would be meeting his future here. The life that he had imagined for himself had shattered in an instant, and he didn't even know why. The thought of a future was laughable right now. He finally raises his eyes to meet the policeman's and sees the care in his eyes. Somehow, this jolts him back to reality. Kibum gets up and walks away with him, tears still constantly streaming down his face._

"It was raining that day too," Kibum says, his voice trembling. "I wouldn't leave the station. I waited, and waited, and waited. The police, they sent me home, and it was raining so hard. I didn't even have an umbrella."

The lump in Jinki's throat kept him from uttering a single word. He didn't know that the police had gotten involved, and news of how distraught Kibum must have been was such a shock to him. All he could do was watch the young man standing before him with all the hurt he knew he had caused. It was almost too much to bear to see him this way but it had to happen now. 

"You never even called. I talked to everyone I could but no one would tell me what happened, no one knew why you were avoiding me. You just disappeared from my life but I never knew why," Kibum asks. Tears rolled down his cheeks. The younger man takes a few steps towards Jinki as if to ask for a response. But all he was met with was a helpless stare with glistening eyes. 

"I waited... Every day for months and months I went back and waited for you to show up, but you never did," he continues. "For years I wondered what I could have done to make you hate me that much. I moved on as best as I could and I did something good with my life. But even after all these years, I still think about it. You need to tell me why, Jinki. I need you to tell me why."

The hurt in Kibum's eyes turned to anger. All those nights that he spent waiting at the train station, all the tears he shed, the way that he threw himself into his work just to be able to forget... All the memories came back to him at that instant. All he wanted was answers. But Jinki couldn't even give him any. 

"Say something," Kibum says, stepping aggressively towards Jinki. The older man's silence triggered the anger in Kibum to be unleashed after all those years. He pushes Jinki's shoulders with a bit of force, taunting him. "Huh? Why can't you say anything? Say something!"

The rumble of thunder joins in the cracking of Kibum's voice, hot tears shooting down his face. "I waited... You never even called... I wrote you so many letters, I called you more than once a day... Why did you do that to me..."

There was nothing else Jinki could do but to wrap the hysterical young man in a tight embrace, his strong arms locking around him. Kibum struggled to get free but the older man was too strong. Jinki draws Kibum close, placing his head beside the young man's, trying to soothe him in the only way he knew how. 

"Shh... Kibum..." he whispers into his ear. "Shh..."

It had been years since they held each other but even in this rage, Jinki's arms still felt like home. Kibum had finally let himself go and all the emotions that he had hidden from the older man came flooding out. If Jinki wasn't holding him up, he would have crumbled to the ground, his sobs rocking the barn. He had never let himself cry like that before. It felt like each sob came from the pit of his stomach.

Jinki softly stroked the back of Kibum's head, trying not to be overcome with emotion himself. But despite his best efforts, the tears came hurtling down his face too. Being confronted with just how much he hurt the person he loved most was much more painful than he thought it would be. Even if it seemed so insignificant now, there was only one thing that he could think of to say.

"I'm sorry, Kibum... I'm so, so sorry..."


	7. Thunderstorm

_Kibum was getting ready to sleep when he heard the thunder rolling in. _

_"Great," he mutters under his breath as he pulled the covers above his head. He would never admit it, but he was fearful of thunderstorms. There was something about the bursts of light and sounds that made him uneasy. The rain couldn't have come at a worse time. The academic decathlon was tomorrow, something that he had spent months preparing for, and he badly needed a good night's sleep. _

_Kibum fishes underneath his pillow and finds the flashlight he has kept there since he was four years old. His Halmeoni gave it to him for nights such as this, telling him that as long as the light was on, he would never be alone. But the older he got, the less the light had comforted him. A loud crackling sound fills the air as Kibum sits up on his mattress, terrified. The young man closes his eyes as tight as he can, puts his fingers in his ears, and hums quietly to himself, hoping to drown out the noise outside. _

_Suddenly, he feels a cheek press against the back of his hand with a voice humming along with him. He knew that voice anywhere. "Oh my God, Jinki! What are you doing here?" _

_"Hi," Jinki says, his eyes disappearing in that bright smile of his. The younger man looks around, trying to make sense of everything when he sees puddles by his windowsill. Beside it was a soaking wet umbrella and his equally drenched rain boots. It was hard to believe that Jinki walked the ten blocks from his house in the darkness and pouring rain, but here he was. "There's a storm. And tomorrow's a big day. So I'm here to help you sleep. Come on. The clock is ticking." _

_"Hyung, this is so sweet of you but you know you can't stay. What if Appa finds out?"_

_"Then he won't find out," he says, taking a seat on Kibum's bed and nudging away some space for himself. "I promise to wake up before sunrise and sneak back out the way I came. You worked too hard on this thing for you to lose just because you didn't have a decent night's rest. Scoot over. We both know you need this."_

_Kibum smiles as he moves to the edge of the bed. It was a tight squeeze for the both of them but neither minded having to squish into one another. Jinki starts to make himself comfortable by taking off his drenched coat, to reveal the cutest pair of pajamas underneath--like something little kids would wear. _

_"Do you really wear bunny pajamas to bed or is this supposed to be for me?" Kibum asks with a smirk on his face._

_"Laugh all you want, but I'll have you know that these kinds of jammies are the comfiest ones you can ever own," he says, smoothing his shirt out with pride. "Besides, bunnies are cute."_

_Just then, the room is illuminated from the outside as a lightning bolt streaks through the sky and lands nearby. Kibum jumps up in surprise and automatically shuts his eyes tight and covers his ears in fright. The cracking sounds make him fold into himself and the entire bed shook along with his small frame. _

_"Hey... Hey, it's alright," Jinki says, wrapping his arms around Kibum. "It's gone now. It's alright. I'm here."_

_The pair sit there for a while until Kibum is calm enough to lie back down in bed. Still visibly shaken, he lies on his back while looking at the ceiling. The rumble of thunder in the distance is enough to keep him on his guard. But Jinki knew just how to lull Kibum to sleep._

_The older man rolls over to his side to face Kibum and wraps a tender arm around him. He rests his forehead beside the young man's temple and hums a song in his ear--the one he was quietly singing to himself moments ago. Soon enough, he feels the younger's body relax and the sounds of rain and thunder are replaced by their voices blending perfectly together in quiet hums. The duo goes through some songs together until Jinki realizes that he is humming alone. _

_"Kibum?" he asks softly, gently lifting his head to check on his boyfriend. Kibum is now sound asleep, finally unbothered by the flashes of light on display outside his window. Jinki loved that he had all the time in the world to stare at him this way and watch Kibum's chest rise and fall with each breath. Little by little, the steady rhythm of Kibum's breathing lulled Jinki to sleep, too. The older man smiles at the simple perfection of this moment. "Good night, Bummie..." he whispers in his beloved's ear. "I love you."_

The barn kept them safe and dry from the thunderstorm raging outside, but nothing could shield them from the emotions that were coming to the surface at long last. It took a while for each of them to get back to being calm. The burst of emotion caught each of them off-guard and the pair now sat at a curious distance from one another. It was clear that the storm wouldn't let up for a while and they awkwardly shared this space, not sure how to go forward.

Jinki kept wringing his fingers and looking over at Kibum, who seemed transfixed by the drops of rain slamming against the windowpane. Like it or not, things have changed. No longer was Kibum the scared young boy who was frightened by thunder and lightning. The Kibum in front of him now seemed to find solace in the storm. He didn't need anyone to comfort him anymore. Jinki wasn't needed as he once was.

As much as things have changed, some things stayed the same. The younger had a blank look on his face--a look that Jinki was all too familiar with. Kibum was gathering his thoughts. The key was to leave him alone for a while until he was ready to talk. But the wait had been almost been half an hour now--half an hour of excruciating silence. And each minute that went by felt longer than the last. 

The older sits up in attention as Kibum finally stirs. "Do you remember that fight we had before I left?" Kibum says, still looking out the window. "I was so angry with you."

"I know. I remember," Jinki says, finding the strength to look back at Kibum. The only reason he could was that the younger wasn't looking back at him. Thank God that he found the window fascinating for now. It was too painful to confront the hurt in his eyes. 

"I couldn't believe that you were asking me to stay," he continues, chuckling to himself. "I thought we had agreed on meeting up in the city, and I couldn't understand why you waited until a few days before I left to spring that on me. Was that the reason you didn't show up at the station? Was it revenge for me choosing to leave even if you asked me not to? If you wanted to get back at me, you did it well," Kibum says, his eyes starting to fill with tears as the emotions from the past come to the surface. "You did it so well."

"I never meant to hurt you, Kibum," Jinki responds. "I just didn't know what else to do."

"There were a million things you could have done instead of what you ended up doing."

Jinki falls quiet. Of course, Kibum was right. Each day since then, he had to live with the guilt of what happened but the truth was at that time, he was just plain scared to face it all. But he couldn't tell Kibum that. There was no way that would be enough of an explanation. He knew that telling Kibum his side of the story wouldn't make that much of a difference, but he had to at least try.

"It wasn't that easy for me either, Kibum," Jinki's voice starts to crack as he recounts the years that have passed. "You were so busy getting ready to leave when I found out that Appa's health was getting worse. I felt like I didn't have a choice but to stay when they needed my help so badly. So I begged for you to stay here with me."

Kibum finally looked over at Jinki, whose eyes had fallen to the floor. The young man didn't realize that things were that bad even when he was still in town. This was the first he had heard of anything like this. He begrudgingly started to listen with his heart to what Jinki had to say. 

"You weren't the only angry one. I never understood how easy it was for you to go. I hated how you decided so quickly to leave me even if I was begging so hard for you to reconsider. All you cared about was your scholarship, your plan to meet up in the city, your dreams, your life. I was part of that relationship too but you acted like I didn't have a say. You didn't even want to hear me out."

The younger man was completely taken aback. All this time he had thought that Jinki was completely to blame for what happened. To realize that he might have had a part in all this made him sick to his stomach. "I thought you just didn't want me to go. I didn't know your Appa was already that sick then. You should have made me listen."

"What difference would it have made? If I insisted on telling you, only one of two things would happen: It's either you would have known the full story and left anyway, which would make me resent you, or you would not have left at all, which would make you resent me. Both are awful to even think about," Jinki replies. "I didn't enjoy leading you on like that. I regret it to this day. But I had to let you go to the city believing that we would be together there one day. Things had to happen this way."

"You still shouldn't have let me wait for you like that... Leaving things that way for years," Kibum replies.

"I know... But I did try," Jinki says. "That day we agreed to meet at the station, I tried to see you one last time. I rehearsed what I was going to say a million times in my head. I thought I was ready to face you but I never got on the train. I couldn't bear the thought of hurting you... I couldn't bear to let those words come out of my mouth... All my life, all I wanted to do was to be with you. I couldn't let myself be the one to end things. And the more time passed, the more I felt like I couldn't talk to you. So I just let it be."

With everything that he had imagined himself saying at this moment, Kibum was speechless. Many versions of this conversation had played in his mind over the years. He expected to feel anger, sadness, and regret... But not once did he imagine himself become so understanding of what Jinki went through too. Sympathy for the older man washed over him like a flood.

"For what it's worth, I am sorry... I've never been able to forgive myself for making you suffer like that." Jinki says, wiping the silent tears falling from his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Kibum. I wish I could have done better. I don't expect you to forgive me, but you should know how sorry I am."

"That's all I wanted to hear," Kibum says, a strange relief washing over his entire body. For the first time in a long time, he felt free from all the negative emotions that had weighed him down... About his life, about this town... About Jinki. "I'm sorry, too. I was too selfish. I shouldn't have been too hard on you."

Jinki nods his head in acknowledgment. For the first time in a long time, they were able to look at each other with clear lenses. They finally understood one another. It was a case of time and circumstance getting in the way of what was a real romance. The two share a knowing look as if to convey that everything was going to be alright.

"What now?" Jinki asks.

Kibum shrugs his shoulders. Having a clean slate with one another was more than either of them expected to walk away with. They were just going to have to figure things out as they went along. The younger man glances out the window and clears his throat. "The rain stopped. I better get going. Eomma might get upset if I miss dinner." 

Without the sound of the rain outside, everything sounded more peaceful--as peaceful as how they finally felt after a long while. The pair stand up, and Jinki walks with Kibum to the door of the barn, opening it for the younger man as he left.

"Hey Jinki," Kibum says with a faint smile on his face. "Don't have fun without me."

Jinki's heart skips a beat at the familiar greeting. Maybe things really were going to be alright. He couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face as he replied. "You know I can't."

_"Kibum," Jinki says, trying to gently shake his beloved awake. "Kibum, it's morning. I have to go."_

_The younger man stirs in bed with one eye open, grabbing Jinki by his bunny sleeves. Somehow, sleeping is better when it's beside Jinki. He didn't want him to go at all. Kibum tugs at the sleeves until Jinki finally surrenders and lies back down--but just for a little while._

_"Good morning," the older man says, placing a kiss on Kibum's temple. "You don't have to get up yet but I really have to go." Kibum pouts his lips and mimics a tantrum at Jinki's insistence. "I should go now or else your Appa will catch us. You don't want that, do you?"_

_Kibum quickly lets go of the older man's sleeve and sits up in bed, watching his boyfriend gather his things and prepare to leave. "Jinki? Thank you... I wouldn't have been able to sleep without you."_

_"I know," the older man replies with a wink. He sneaks one last look at Kibum before he crouches back through the window. "Don't have fun without me."_

_"You know I can't."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Listening to Symptoms on loop while writing this. It was a struggle to flesh out this part of the story... It was tricky to be clear about what happened without making it seem like one person was more to blame than the other, so this is why I took my time with this chapter. For some reason, Symptoms coaxed me out of my slight block when I usually prefer to write alone and in silence. I'm such a creature of habit when it comes to writing (I tend to be superstitious about the things that work for me lol) and any departure from my norm is super interesting to me. The only other song I ever wrote to was SayoHito. Hmm, I wonder what's with those songs...? Haha. Pardon my irrelevant and random brain farts. Clearly, I need more people to talk to. Lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you for reading along so far! Next one coming soon <3


	8. Chances

The road home was damp and muddy but Kibum couldn't take his eyes off the sky. The rains had made the skies so clear--as if every star in the entire galaxy wanted to come out to greet him. There was a bounce in his step like never before. The conversation with Jinki was painful but necessary. And for the first time in a long time, he was convinced that nothing was going to weigh down his heart anymore. 

Until he turned the corner to his childhood home, that is.

After thunderstorms, he would usually find his grandmother already traipsing around the garden, surveying for any damage to her prized flora. The light of the front porch would be no match for her bright flashlight and everyone could hear her muttering from three houses down. But tonight, it was just silence and darkness that greeted him. Reality hits him hard for why he was really back home.

Kibum opened the small gate and made his way into the house as quietly as he could. He was too tired to handle the questions from his Eomma about where he had been or what he had done. There was really only one person he wanted to talk to, and he carefully approaches her room and opens the door. His Halmeoni looked like she was sleeping, and he didn't want to disturb her, so he stayed at the doorway and stared at her. How he wished she was up. He needed to talk to her so badly.

"Kibum-ah, stop lurking and come in," a frail voice croaks. The young man smiles widely and moves closer to her, elated at the thought of being able to finally spend time with her while she's awake. He carefully takes a seat next to her on her bed. "You saw Jinki today didn't you?" 

Kibum is surprised, to say the least. There really is no one who knows him better than she does. "How did you know, Halemeoni?"

"The last time I saw your eyes that puffy was when you said goodbye to him. He's the only one who can get you to cry so easily."

Kibum reaches for her hand and clasps it in his. "That's not true..." He sweeps the strands of hair off her forehead as he lovingly looked upon her. Under the bright fluorescent lights, the young man could see everything that the disease took from his treasured Halmeoni. Her once pinkish and taut skin had become ashy and sagging. Her full and plump body had diminished into a tiny frame. The bones had protruded from its joints, revealing why it was hard for her to get out of bed. But the disease could not take the wisdom from her eyes. Kibum tried to focus on those beautiful brown eyes that had been his home for all his life. In them, he found solace and comfort more than anywhere else in the world. "Halmeoni, you know that my tears are for you, too."

"Nonsense," she scoffs. "You know how much I hate seeing your tears, Kibum. Don't you dare cry for me. So, did you see how handsome and successful Jinki had become? Did he show you their barn?"

"He did. It was great... I'm happy for them," Kibum says, gently. "Halmeoni... Did you know how sick his Appa became before I left?"

"Yes..." she replies tenderly. "I knew that Jinki would suddenly have a lot on his plate... Too much for a young boy. How I pitied him. I used to bring him sweets and talk to his mother sometimes. He was a shell of the Jinki you once knew, Kibum... He lived that way for a long time."

"Why didn't you say anything, Halmeoni?" 

"I didn't mean to keep anything from you. We all just wanted the best for you, Kibum. Jinki did. And so did I," she says, reaching out to touch his face. "Did you know that from the moment you were born, I knew that you were meant for greater things--far greater than I could dream of. And I was right, my darling. My heart swells with joy each time I think of you. You've made me so proud... So proud, Kibum. Not just because of what you have achieved, but because you've never changed from being my kind, gentle, sweet boy... Understanding and forgiving... Sometimes giving second chances to people who are worthy of them is a fine way to show your generous spirit."

"Halmeoni..." he says, crouching down to wrap his arms around her. She always knew the right things to say to calm and guide him. "I'm scared."

"You don't have to be... Trust yourself, Kibum. Give it time. He might surprise you."

*****

_Minho chuckles to himself as he and Kibum waited for their turn to bat. Physical Education had always been pretty boring to Minho, who excelled at it with his eyes closed. He didn't even have to try to be heaps better at it than anyone else in his class. The natural-born athlete much preferred to be in a high-stakes game with players at his level, instead of having to hold back his talents to give his classmates a chance. Baseball was the most boring sport of all. He hated having to wait so long just for three turns to bat. His eyes usually wandered around the campus, looking for anything interesting. But there was one thing that had been consistent all semester long._

_"He's looking at you again," he says to Kibum, who was busy reading another book for one of his advanced classes._

_"Who?" He asks, not even looking up from the page. _

_"You really have no clue who I'm talking about?" _

_"A lot of them look at me so you're going to have to be more specific than that."_

_"Okay. The only one that matters."_

_It was enough to grab the teenager's attention away from the brooding work of Tolstoy. His head whips fast towards the direction of Jinki's classroom and he catches the older man looking at him from a distance. He lifts his glasses higher up on his face just to be sure but by this time Jinki had looked down at his desk, scribbling away at his notes. _

_"He does that every Thursday," Minho says, looking towards another classmate who was precariously close to a strikeout. "Every time we're out here, he looks for you and just... Stares. It's creepy. You should talk to him about that--DON'T SWING IF THE PITCH IS TOO HIGH!!! What is with everyone, it's not even that difficult! I swear..."_

_"If you're so bothered about it, then why don't you talk to him?"_

_"Come on, Kibum," the younger man replies. "It's so awkward being around you two. It's not a secret that he likes you, not that he makes an effort to hide it, but we all know that he's never going to say anything. It's like he's scared of you or something. Can't you be the one to break the ice?"_

_"I'm not in the habit of hurting my friends," Kibum says, turning back to his book._

_"Oh, wow. Okay. I know he's a big brother to us but can't you learn to see him as something more than that? Give him a chance, Kib. He might surprise you."_

_As Minho dashes to the home plate for his turn at bat, Kibum looks back at the classroom window to find Jinki looking at him again. He smiles and waves at his childhood friend, catching his glasses with his fingers as it started to slide down his face. Even from far away, anyone could see the crimson spread through the older man's cheeks. Jinki waves back clumsily and it was somewhat endearing. For the first time, it was Kibum's turn to stare at the older man. It was almost shameful to admit that he had never given much thought to how handsome Jinki actually was. Maybe Minho was right. All he needed to do was to give him a chance._

*****

Kibum still had to get used to how early mornings started in the countryside. He tried to wake up with everyone else but his best efforts were still an hour or two off. Luckily, his Eomma didn't really expect him to do many chores around the house, but there was one particular project he had in mind: The garden.

As his family did their daily tasks, Kibum was elbow deep in weeds and dead leaves. The sun was out and the young man was working so hard that drops of his sweat could water the plants underneath him. He looked ridiculous in his grandmother's gardening outfit: A bright yellow sunhat with smiling sunflowers, red gardening boots, dirty and grey cloth gardening gloves and a blue apron from the farm which had a picture of a smiling chubby chicken. The fashion editor tried his best to make it look at least presentable with his designer sunglasses, but it only made things worse. Thank God his friends were busy in the mornings, so he was confident that no one would catch a glimpse of his primary colors ensemble.

"It's nice to see someone working on the garden again," a voice says from behind him. 

The young man freezes, knowing exactly who it was--and it just so happened to be the one person that he didn't want to see right now. He slowly looks over his shoulder and confirms his suspicions. It was Jinki. 

"From afar I thought it was your Halmeoni but the sunglasses were a dead giveaway," Jinki says, smirking. 

Kibum rises from the ground, wielding a spade in his hand, as he lowers his glasses and playfully rolls his eyes at Jinki. "Is there something I can help you with?"

The older man holds up a cloth bag. "For your Appa. It's the cheese from yesterday. I just wanted him to have a taste of what we could do with the goat's milk that he sold us to work with... We're really excited about it."

The younger man wipes his brow, annoyed at how sweet Jinki can be sometimes. "Thanks. You guys should be. It's really good cheese. Well, you're going to make me feel like uncivilized if you don't let me drag you in for coffee or tea or whatever. Besides, I can already hear my Halmeoni scolding me if I don't."

"How is she?"

"She's doing as well as can be expected, I guess. Come on in and see for yourself," Kibum says, dusting himself off to prepare to go into the house. He takes the quite bright gear off one by one as Jinki makes his way through the gate and up the path.

Jinki's heart was beating so fast. He was hoping for this outcome, but now that it was happening he was doing his best not to panic. The cheese was, of course, just a rouse to see Kibum again. After their talk, the older man couldn't get a wink of sleep thinking about him. Seeing him working in the garden in that unflattering ensemble was definitely a treat. It took the edge off this nerve-wracking situation. Jinki suddenly felt like a nervous schoolboy again and he couldn't be happier about it. 

"I can take that," the younger man says, taking the bag out of Jinki's hands. "Do you want anything? Coffee?"

"Water would be nice," the older man says with a smile. The pair walk into the Kim house as Kibum awkwardly. The older man instinctively takes a seat at the dinner table, reminiscing about all the times they had spent together at that exact spot.

"Halmeoni will be so glad to see you. She's been gabbing my ear off about you nonstop. 'Jinki did this, and Jinki did that...' You'd think you were her grandson and not me," Kibum says, readying a cool glass of water for his visitor. 

"That's nothing. You should hear the way she talks about you," Jinki replies, chuckling. 

"You've talked to Halmeoni recently?" Kibum asks, sitting beside him. He was surprised at the thought of Jinki paying his family any sort of attention even with him out of the picture.

"I thought you knew..." The older man says, his voice dropping a few notches. He wasn't really sure how Kibum was going to take what he was about to say, so he spoke quite carefully. "I visited her as often as I could after you left."

"Oh," the younger man says, gratefulness coming over him. He had a hard time forgiving himself for not being there for his grandmother for a few years, but at least someone was. "Thank you. I'm sure she appreciates that a lot."

"No, I should be the one thanking her," Jinki replies. "It was difficult back then... She always made sure that I was alright. I don't know if Eomma and I would have made it through without her. She's a really special lady."

"Yes, she is," Kibum replied.

A sad smile came across Jinki's face and it was hard for Kibum to see a glimpse of him that way. All this time he had imagined that Jinki was freely living his own life and having a happy time when they were apart. To see with his own eyes that the older man had suffered greatly was jarring. They shared a few moments in silence, as Jinki nervously drank from the glass in front of him. 

"Come on, let's say hi. This will be a nice surprise for her," Kibum says, getting up and walking towards his grandmother's bedroom. Jinki stands up and walks behind him, smoothing his hair out a little bit. It was the first time in a long time that he was nervous to see her. Maybe it was because this time, he was going to see her with Kibum by his side. 

The younger man creaks the door open slowly and peeks into her room, as he usually does. "Halmeoni? There's someone here to see you... Your favorite person, next to me, of course..." There was no response from her, even if she was usually wide awake at this time of day. Kibum steps into the room to move closer to her, as Jinki watches from the doorway.

"Halmeoni...?" Kibum says, gently stroking her arm to rouse her but nothing was happening. It was like she couldn't hear him at all. The young man's heart falls to his stomach as he realizes that her breathing was incredibly short and shallow. He takes her hand in his and he almost jumps back at how cold she is to the touch. Panicking, he turns to Jinki for help, tears filling his eyes. "Something's wrong, Jinki." 

"Get your car ready and wait there, I'll carry her out. Hurry, Kibum," he replies, not missing a beat.

"Please hold on, Halmeoni," the young man whispers as he springs into action. 


	9. Walls

"Hyung!" Taemin says, running towards them with Minho close behind. "We came as soon as we could."

Kibum was too shaken to do anything else but to stare at them coming closer. As Jinki gets up to greet them, the young man stays seated with a blank expression on his face. The shock of it all still had a hold on him.

"What did the doctors say?" Minho asks Jinki.

"Her strength is so low that even breathing can be hard for her, so needs a bit of help with that right now. They're just making sure nothing else is wrong and if everything looks good, she can go home. From what I've heard, what she needs to be more comfortable is an oxygen mask and some dietary adjustments. Mr. and Mrs. Lee are with her right now."

"That's good, right? That means she'll be fine?" Taemin asks, relieved.

"Yeah, the doctors hope so," the older man responds again. All three of them look at Kibum worriedly, feeling helpless that they couldn't do anything to help ease their friend's troubles. 

Kibum stares at the bland television program playing in the waiting area as the others continued to talk about his Halmeoni's condition. It was one of those silly noontime varieties where everyone made fun of everyone else. He glares at the screen, wondering how anyone could be laughing right now when he had just had the scare of his life. He tried to remind himself that the doctors were doing all they could and that she was being taken care of now but it was hard to snap out of it. The sight of his precious Halmeoni being unconscious and her skin feeling so cold wouldn't stop replaying in his head. The thought of what could have happened was sending him into a spiral.

His worries were interrupted by the sensation of a hand softly caressing his shoulder. "Kibum?"

"Huh?"

"I said, Minho and Taemin are going to get some lunch at the cafeteria. What do you want?"

He looks at his three friends, and they were all staring back at him, waiting for an answer. "It really doesn't matter," he responds, his eyes darting back to the television screen. 

"Hyung, you have to eat," Taemin asks, his eyes starting to get red. There was nothing he hated more than seeing any of his Hyungs in pain or distress.

Kibum immediately recognizes the worry in the young man's voice and turns his attention back to them. "Any sort of sandwich would be great. I'm sorry... Thank you, guys. Thanks for being here."

Taemin smiles and takes his mission to heart. "Sandwiches! Coming up!" 

"I'll try to keep him from buying the entire menu for you. See you in a bit. YAAA! Calm down! This is a hospital for crying out loud," Minho says, turning to catch up to Taemin who rushed off. 

"If those two can't get you to smile, I don't know what can," Jinki says, looking over at Kibum, whose eyes had crawled back up onto the screen. He sits beside the younger man in silence. It was always awkward to sit with someone in situations like these but there was an ease between the two of them that had been there since the beginning. Jinki's presence was enough for Kibum to know that he wasn't alone in that moment. He suddenly felt the walls that he had worked so hard to maintain all these years start to crumble. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop the tears from falling. Maybe his grandmother was right about Jinki. 

"I regret it so much," Kibum says. "At first I didn't want to call because it was too painful. Hearing their voices made me miss home that much more. It made the loneliness that much harder to fight. But after a while, I stopped thinking about them at all. It's not that I don't love them, Jinki. I just got so used to being by myself. I shouldn't have done that... I never wanted them to feel like they didn't mean the world to me."

Jinki quietly listens. 

"I should have told her I loved her every single day. When I touched her this morning, she felt so cold," Kibum says, his voice cracking as he finally acknowledged his feelings. "I thought..." 

The older reaches over and puts his arm around him. "She's fine now... She'll be okay..."

He would never admit it out loud but it felt good to finally let someone in. With Jinki, he knew that he didn't have to be the strong, ambitious, go-getter that the world expected him to be. In spite of all the heartache and the time that had passed, he knew that with Jinki, it was safe to be himself. Here, there were no pretentions... No judgment or expectations. And it meant more to him than he could ever say.

"It's okay to be scared, Kibum," he says. "You're not alone."

Kibum turns into Jinki's embrace and lets his emotions go in one fell swoop. Being held like this was a familiar sensation to him--one that comforted him a great deal. 

*****

_Sunday was their favorite day of the week. _

_Hanging out in Jinki's room would have been impossible any other day but on Sundays, it was their own little haven. The Lees would be out the entire afternoon making deliveries in other towns and Jinki's Eomma had always insisted for him to stay behind to catch up on homework. The truth was, homework was the farthest thing from his mind. On Sunday afternoons, the two could finally get away from prying eyes that followed them all week long and be in a world of their own. _

_The young man stared at the ceiling as Jinki rearranged his small collection of vinyl records. Some jazz quartet was playing in the background. _

_"I'm scared," Kibum says, not even thinking about the words that were coming out of his mouth. It was always surprising how easy it was for him to be as candid as he wanted to be with Jinki. _

_"THE Kim Kibum? Scared?" _

_"I'm serious, Jinki," Kibum replies with a frown on his face. "It's really been bothering me. I mean... I work really hard and do well here, but things are different in the city. What if I don't have what it takes to make it?"_

_Jinki lays the records down and makes his way to lay down beside Kibum. Their heads lean against each other and they both stare at the ceiling. The older man could feel the tension in Kibum's body as he shared more of what was in his heart._

_"My family sacrificed so much for me to come back home in just a few years with nothing to show for myself. I really need to make it; there's no other option. But what if I can't?"_

_Jinki listens carefully but he almost couldn't believe his ears. He gingerly takes Kibum's hand in his and strokes it lovingly. "I've never really understood why you doubt yourself so much... I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."_

_"Why? How do you see me?"_

_"With my eyes," Jinki says, turning to his side and facing Kibum, mocking him with a wide stare. _

_The young man rolls his eyes and playfully clicks his tongue. "C'mon, Jinki," he says, turning to his side to talk to his boyfriend face-to-face. "Tell me... Maybe it will help me feel better."_

_"Okay..." Jinki sighs, knowing that baring his heart will be a tricky thing to do while looking directly into Kibum's eyes. "Well... For one, you're brilliant. Lots of people are smart but your mind works differently from everyone else's. Plus, you're hardworking. I've never seen anyone so dedicated. Being so smart and hardworking... You're already head and shoulders above everyone else... But the kicker is... You're captivating, too. I've spent my whole life trying to figure out what it is about you that makes everyone love you. You shine so effortlessly that in a room filled with people you will always stand out even if you don't try. It's like you don't even know the power that you have... You're not going to fail, Kibum. It's not possible."_

_Kibum is rendered speechless. He knew that he was the apple of Jinki's eye but he had never anticipated this. It was overwhelming for someone to see the absolute best in you, even when they've already seen the worst. _

_When he didn't respond, Jinki searches Kibum's face and is worried that he may have crossed a line. "Sorry... Was it too much? I didn't mean to make you uncomfor--"_

_There was something different about Kibum's stare and it immediately made Jinki's heart start to pound. The look in the young man's eye was more intense than anything he had ever seen before and it sent him into a miniature panic. Jinki was suddenly acutely aware of everything around him: the breeze coming in from the window, the soft sounds coming from his record player, the awkward way his hands fidgeted, and his boyfriend's heavy breathing from across the bed. Kibum slowly inched his way closer to Jinki, and the older man didn't know what to do with himself. All he could do was stare. For years, he could only imagine being this close to Kibum but there was nothing that could have prepared him for how this moment made him feel. The truth was, he had always wanted to kiss Kibum but never wanted to impose anything that the younger man wasn't ready for. All this time, Jinki was able to control himself around him, but now that the first barrier had been broken, he could feel a wave of intense longing come over him. Kibum lifts his hand and tenderly places it on Jinki's cheek, all the while never breaking eye contact. _ _The older man leans into his boyfriend's touch, barely able to stand the electricity flowing between them. _

_Feeling their lips touch one another's was absolute heaven. Jinki could have sworn that a million fireworks exploded all around them, in tune with the beating of his heart. Kibum's lips were soft as pillows and faintly tasted of the raspberry lip balm that he used so much. Jinki wrapped his arms around Kibum as the soft and tender kiss went on. The older man's eyes were shut tightly as he explored this brand new way of expressing how much he cared. As he pulled the young man closer, he noticed that his body was shaking._

_Kibum's breathing was shallow and quick--as if he had gone around the block chasing after something. The young man was completely overwhelmed and his entire body started to shake on its own. Jinki pulls back and looks at Kibum and the older man had never seen him more vulnerable. At that moment, he knew that he wanted to spend his life taking care of him and protecting him from all his fears. _

_"It's okay to be scared, Kibum... You're not alone."_

_"I love you, Jinki," Kibum whispers breathlessly, as he leans back in to continue the kiss. "I love you so much."_

_"I love you too."_

*****

The events of the day left him exhausted but Kibum couldn't bring himself to go to sleep. It had been hours since Taemin and Minho had left and he kind of wished they hadn't. Being alone with his worried thoughts wasn't the best thing for him right now. He had been vegging out in front of the television for hours, not wanting to move far away from his Halmeoni's room. He wanted so badly to be by her side but it just made better sense for his mother to do so, since she already knew about all the medicines and routines that his grandmother was used to. Even so, he found it difficult to stay away. The young man had already been scolded by his Eomma for sneaking a peek into her room every ten minutes. Halmeoni must rest, she says, and he must do the same. But really, how could he?

He flips through the channels one more time and rolls his eyes. The program that he had seen at noontime in the hospital was being replayed, and time obviously did not make any of it easier to watch. His mind gets transported back to the hospital earlier that day when everything was unknown and scary. Despite the stresses that came with the emergency visit, Kibum would never forget the way Jinki had cared for him almost the entire day. It had been so long since anyone had paid that much attention to his needs. It felt so nice to be cared for, and by him. 

Jinki was so wonderful. The young man didn't even have to say that he was scared to talk to the doctors himself, or that he needed help going around the hospital to settle the bills. What stuck with him the most was how much comfort Jinki gave him just by being there. Even now, in his midnight solace, he could feel the effects of not having Jinki by his side. And he suddenly felt unbearably lonely.

The young man reaches for the remote and flips through the channels for the nth time, without much luck of finding a decent program. He was just relieved that his hands had something to do when his mind was racing a hundred miles per hour. Why was he even thinking of Jinki? It was so strange that things with the both of them fell back into a rhythm so quickly after they had let go of the past. He could tell that Jinki felt the same way too. All throughout the day, Kibum would catch him glancing with that same loving look in his eye from all those years ago. 

Kibum suddenly heard faint knocks on the front door and was confused for a minute. He lowered the volume of the television set to make sure that he wasn't just hearing things. There really was someone at the front door. He is startled when he swings it open to find the one person he was longing for on the other side. 

"You're here."


	10. Someone New

"Hey, Kibum. How are things?" Jinki asks with a concerned look on his face.

Even in the moonlight, Jinki looked more handsome than ever. He had changed into a white crewneck shirt underneath the thick plaid coat that he had since they were in school. It amazed Kibum that it could still fit him perfectly after all these years. His hair looked kept--as if he had fluffed it up with his hands before Kibum had answered the door. His work boots and ragged jeans made him look like a tough farmer, which totally betrayed his baby face. Kibum could see that the cold air was making his cheeks redder and more adorable than usual. How handsome Jinki looked made him all the more conscious about his own outfit. Somehow, the old pajamas and cozy robe he was wearing was making him feel so frumpy. Little did he know that his soft look was making Jinki's heart flutter, too. 

"Uh... Halmeoni is doing better... Eomma is with her. They're both sleeping now."

An awkward silence fills the air as both men stood face-to-face. Kibum didn't really know what else to say after that, and Jinki felt an impending need to explain himself. The older man's tired voice almost cracked as he spoke. "I told Taemin to tell you I would drop by as soon as I finished some work on the farm. Did he tell you?"

"Yeah, he did... I just didn't think that you would really come over," Kibum replies, still flustered. 

"Why not?"

"It's past two in the morning, Jinki," Kibum says, closing his robe tighter around himself. "You should get some rest."

"I know... But I won't be able to sleep anyway, thinking of how things are over here. I know you won't be able to sleep either. Might as well keep each other company..."

Kibum shifts his head to the side and stares intently at Jinki. It wasn't weird for friends to suddenly drop by at all hours but this wasn't just any friend. Seeing Jinki at his home at weird hours in the morning brought back so many memories, and it was overwhelming. Even if deep down he was really excited, the young man felt reluctant to let him in.

"Are you really going to make me stand here or do I have to sneak in through your bedroom window like I used to?" Jinki says, chuckling at his own joke. His unique sense of humor hadn't changed in all these years.

The young man leaves the door wide open as he heads back toward the couch. "Fine. Suit yourself. But I'm warning you. I'm not very good company right now."

Kibum slumps back down onto the couch, pretending to be interested in the inane infomercial that was playing. He started to scold himself quietly when he notices that his heart slightly skipped a beat when Jinki came in and closed the door behind him. The older man stands beside the couch and stares at the television with his hands at his waist. 

"Knife set, huh? Riveting."

"Are you here to judge me or keep me company?" Kibum says without any emotion in his voice. He thanked his stars that city living made him a master of hiding his emotions through any stressful situation. 

The older man chuckles, taking a seat on the opposite end of the couch. "I'm just teasing. Those are pretty good knives, you know. I bought Eomma a set a couple of years ago and they're still sharp... See? You're not the only reason I stay up at night."

Kibum musters the courage to say something as he changes the channel over and over and over, creating a steady flashing light in the living room. "You didn't have to come here."

"I know. I wanted to."

"Jinki," Kibum says. "This is really nice and all, and I appreciate you. I do. But maybe we should pump the brakes a bit."

"On what? I'm just trying to watch TV with you if you could only settle on a channel," Jinki says, pointing towards the screen, trying to act dumb. He knew exactly what the young man was talking about and he wished so bad that the confrontation wasn't happening at all. 

"I'm serious," Kibum replies sternly, finally turning the set off to be able to look Jini in the eye. "You blew off your entire day to be with me and my family, and now that you've taken care of things on your end, you're back here with me. Minho and Taemin, they're there for me too... But not like this. Given our history, don't you think we're dancing on dangerous territory?"

"I'm just trying to make it up to a good friend."

Kibum eyes him skeptically, not sure if he was willing to believe him at this point. 

"It's the truth, Kibum," Jinki says. "I'm not like the other people in your life that you just happened to lose touch with because you got busy. We purposely haven't talked for so many years. You were my best friend, too. I'm just trying to make up for all that lost time. I promise."

"Okay," Kibum replies, convinced that Jinki didn't want anything more. The young man blushes, a bit embarrassed that he got the wrong idea and even announced it. Not wanting to lean into feeling like a fool, he thinks of a quick way to change the topic. He relaxes into the comfortable cushions of the couch and was eager to talk about anything other than what was happening. "So what did you do when you were away?"

"Nothing interesting," Jinki says, getting comfortable himself. He crosses his leg and starts to ramble on about his different responsibilities for the business. "I needed to take stock of certain things and update some files, send some emails to clients, that sort of thing. It's boring, really. I hate doing it if I'm being honest."

"Then hire someone else to do it," Kibum says, growing more and more comfortable by the minute. "You're stable enough to do that, right? Just hire someone else and your problem is solved." Jinki's presence and voice were so soothing. It comforted him so much.

"That's funny. You and Eomma said the same thing. She keeps seeing me struggle and it annoys her so much. But the thing is, I really don't want to hire another person to take care of all that stuff for me. It's my business, so I should be the one to do it. I don't feel comfortable letting anyone else know about information as sensitive as that, you know what I mean? I really think that it's better for me to keep things close, at least for now. The business isn't that big that I need to hire someone devoted to administrative work when I'm capable of doing it. Right? Don't you think so, Kibum? Kibum...?"

He looks over to see the younger man fast asleep, with his head slumped over to the side. His chin was almost touching his chest and was snoring lightly. It amazed the older man how quickly Kibum had fallen into a deep sleep. He must have been so tired.

Jinki smiles, taking a moment to stare. It was strange, the way that he felt so content in this moment, simply watching Kibum's chest rise and fall with each breath. If it was possible, Kibum looked even younger than he did back then. His porcelain skin made him look even more delicate as he slept. The older man stands up and takes the blanket on the couch, carefully draping it over Kibum. The young man sighs and shifts his body into a more comfortable position with Jinki watching on lovingly.

"I'm sorry I lied. You'll never be just a friend to me," Jinki whispers as he gently stroked Kibum's cheek with the back of his hand. "Sleep well, Kibum."

*****

It was hard not to think about what happened the night before. Kibum woke up with a smile on his face, asking himself if it was all just a dream. He woke up to the sounds of his Eomma making breakfast and rose from one of the best slumbers he had in such a long time. The last thing he remembered was Jinki talking about his business. The older man must have slipped out as soon as he drifted off. He felt so embarrassed... Again. 

He was hoping that he would run into Jinki again this morning before he showed up for lunch with the others. Kibum just wanted to apologize in private. There was no way that he was planning to let on to Minho and Taemin about last night. They would never let him hear the end of it.

Kibum was almost at the store when he sees a familiar silhouette in the distance. At first, he thought his wish had come true but it was too tiny a figure to have been Jinki. Or Minho. Or Taemin. The young man squints his eyes to see more clearly and is surprised by who it is. The figure comes closer into view and feels a bit of irritation rising up his throat.

"What are you doing here?"

The other person smiles meekly, embarrassed at being spotted so soon. "Hello, Kibum-ssi. I'm sorry... Is this awkward? I had a trip scheduled here beforehand as part of my piece about you. I had no idea that you would be here too. I promise I didn't. I'm a journalist; not paparazzi."

Kibum looks at him intently, quietly searching his face. "Jonghyun-ssi, I know that you are doing your job but I have to tell you that this feels very intrusive. This is really not a good time for me and my family..."

"I heard," he says, the stress showing on his face. "I really am sorry about this. If this was any other story, I would just leave and give you privacy but the editors told me that they plan to feature you on the front page. The story has gotten big and my deadline is drawing nearer so you see, there's not much that I can do about the situation... I'll do my best to keep out of your hair."

"Me? Frontpage of The Times? Don't be ridiculous," 

"Yes," Jonghyun says with a smile. "An inspiring story like yours is just what my editors are looking for."

Kibum's expression does not budge at all. Frontpage or not, he did not appreciate being ambushed like this at all. 

"I'm not a bad guy, I just have a job to do... You understand that right?" Jonghyun continues, hoping not to anger Kibum. "If it helps, the minute you think I'm being inappropriate, you can call my boss. Here."

The journalist hands him a business card with the name and number of a person that he didn't know. "He's the person I report to directly. You can complain to him about me, but I'll make sure you won't have to."

Kibum takes the card and puts it in his pocket. "I guess you can stay. But my family is off-limits okay? We're going through a lot right now."

The older man smiles, completely relieved. He was half-ready to be shouted at and told to leave. Being in the same place as the person he was reporting on wasn't ideal, but it was better than having to go back empty-handed. "I can't say that I'm not disappointed about that but I understand. Okay... I'll take it. I'll try to stay out of your way then..."

"This town is way too small but good luck with that," Kibum says, huffing away. "Bye, Jonghyun-ssi."

The younger man exhales sharply as he walks away, immediately regretting how unwelcome he made Jonghyun feel. It was just so irritating. On top of everything that he had to deal with, it was tough to accept that he had to keep up appearances for a publication. But there was no excuse for being rude. He was raised better than that. Kibum secures the large canvas bag on his shoulder and rolls his eyes as he turns back around. 

"Wait--Jonghyun-ssi. I apologize... I didn't mean to seem so rude. I'm making lunch for my family and some friends in a few hours... Why don't you drop by?"

"That's very kind of you but are you sure? I don't want to impose..." 

"Yeah, I'm sure. I live just down the block... It's the house with the small gate and dead plants. Just ask around if you get lost. Everyone knows everyone around here," he says, as he starts to walk away. 

"O-of course. Thank you, Kibum-ssi. Thank you for your kindness," Jonghyun says, bowing furiously.

"See you at lunch," he says as he starts to walk away. 

*****

"Thanks for coming over to pick me up," Jinki says as he and their youngest hop out of his truck. "If you hadn't come around, I would have totally missed lunch."

"You need one of those noisy watches, Hyung," Taemin replies. "The ones that beep every hour? So that you stop losing track of time! You work too hard."

"No, I don't," the older man protests. "Sometimes work piles up, that's all."

"Every day isn't sometimes," Taemin says, giggling. "Kibum Hyung would have been really upset if you missed today. You owe me."

Jinki scratches his head as Taemin happily hops along to the Kim's front door. He was really excited to see Kibum again, especially after last night. He didn't get a wink of sleep as thoughts of Kibum kept haunting him but he didn't mind. Things seemed to fall into place and go back to the normalcy that he loved after all these years. The older man wasn't this happy in a long while.

"We're here," Taemin shouts as he bursts through the front door. "What's for lunch?"

The older man stops in his tracks as he hears an unfamiliar voice booming in the house. It was a tone that he didn't recognize at all. Was someone else there? He turns the corner to find a stranger laughing it up with Minho and Kibum. 

"Hey, guys! You're finally here! Jonghyun-ssi, these are my childhood friends Lee Taemin and Lee Jinki. Guys, this is Kim Jonghyun-ssi from The Times," Kibum says quickly, as he gets back to the kitchen. Bows and polite smiles were made towards each other at the introduction. And a knot immediately formed in Jinki's stomach. "Lunch will be ready soon, so take a seat. Taeminnie, can you help me bring the food out?"

"Jonghyun-ssi is here to do a story on Kibum. Isn't that exciting?" Minho says. 

"Oh! Wow," Jinki replies, completely relieved that the new guy was a formal acquaintance. "So you're a writer? That's great! Everyone in town will be so excited."

"You all must be proud of Kibum-ssi," Jonghyun says shyly. The new environment was a bit unnerving, but the friendly reception was heartwarming. He felt comfortable with the boys almost immediately. 

"You can say that again," Minho says. "I lucked out that I'm friends with the number one and number two sons of our province."

"Who's the second?"

"Do you know Fifth Town Artisan Cheese?" Kibum bellows proudly. "Our Jinki single-handedly revolutionized cheese-making."

Jinki smiles shyly as he gets up to check if Kibum needed any more help. Talking to Jonghyun seemed tedious, and there was something about him that made Jinki uneasy. Besides, all he wanted was to spend time with the person that he came here for.

"Do I have to, Hyung? But it's too hot and it's too heavy," Taemin says pouting his lips. "Make Minho Hyung do it."

"Let me," Jinki says, magically appearing in the kitchen all of a sudden. "I can carry it out." 

"Thanks, JInki Hyung!" Taemin exclaims as he skips towards the dining table, happy that he is free from doing another chore. 

"Thank you," Kibum says shyly, trying not to let on how happy he was to see Jinki again. The older man walks towards the pot as Kibum hands him some holders to shield his hands. "I'm so sorry that I fell asleep... I didn't even realize that you had left. Thank you for keeping me company."

"Don't apologize," Jinki replies. "I'm happy that you got to rest. You need it."

"How about you? Did you get to sleep well?"

Before he could answer, Minho's voice breaks through their secret moment. "Kib! Is it going to be much longer? I'm starving!"

They both laugh at Minho's voracious appetite, as Jinki slips the potholders in his hands and carries the food with ease. 

"Hey, before we go back out there, who is that guy?"

"Oh, sorry about that," Kibum explains as he starts to walk to the table. "I'll tell you guys about it over lunch. He's harmless. I swear."

Jinki huffs and mutters under his breath. "He better be."


	11. Scared

Jinki's concern about this Jonghyun guy was mounting.

During that fateful lunch, Jonghyun nonchalantly sat beside Kibum the entire time. There were moments that the older man would catch him lay his hand on Kibum's arm and it annoyed him to no end.

But the most annoying part was that he was such a nice and charming man. He seemed sincere and quite interested to hear about everyone's stories and experiences. He even had a keen interest in Jinki when he found out about his cheeses, expressing his interest in featuring his small business in future write-ups. On top of everything, Jonghyun was also well-recognized in his career and they were all surprised to hear about the many popular articles that he had authored in the recent past. 

All things considered, the older man had concluded that Jonghyun was bad news...There to swoop in and take Kibum's attention away. 

He couldn't think of anything else as he made his way to Taeyeon's grocery store for his regular delivery.

"Finally! Good morning, Jinki." Taeyeon greets him happily, as the businessman arrives with a crate-load of his products. "I've been waiting for you."

"Sorry I took longer than usual today... The delivery schedules were a mess and I had to--" Jinki was distracted by the sound of a familiar laugh in the background. He looks over his shoulder and sees Kibum seated at one of Taeyeon's community tables, having a cup of coffee. The younger man was throwing his head back, having a morning snack with none other than Jonghyun. Jinki rolls his eyes and heaves a deep sigh and tries to push his jealous feelings down as he pivots his attention back to Taeyeon. "I had to sort things out... Anyway, here you are... But I'm afraid I can't arrange it myself on your shelves like I usually do. I gotta head back soon."

"Sure, of course. That's not a problem. I'll take care of it," the shop owner says as she takes the crate and sets it on her counter. She notices Jinki stealing another glance at the duo at the other end of the store. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that Jinki's mood has shifted dramatically. "Hey... Who is that guy? They've been here since I opened, talking up a storm."

Jinki becomes so angry at the update that he forms a fist with one of his hands, to keep his cool. "Ah... That's Kim Jonghyun-ssi, one of Kibum's contacts from the city. He's writing something about Kibum for The Times, so I guess Kibum is being extra kind to him... You know... For show." 

It wasn't like Jinki at all to throw backhanded shade at someone but he had to let his aggression out somehow. The thing was, it flew right over Taeyeon's head. "The Times? Oh my God! Then maybe I have to get over there and give them free samples or something... Jinki, you don't mind if I give them some of your cheeses, right?" 

"They're yours now, you can do whatever you want with them," Jinki says through gritted teeth. "I really have to go. See you, Taeyeon."

The older man hurries towards the door, hoping against hope that he wouldn't be noticed, but he hears his name being called out. 

"Jinki! Over here!" Kibum says, waving his hand in the air. "Hi!"

Jonghyun slowly turns towards him with an equally brilliant smile, waving as well. In this light, the writer's eyes seemed to glisten and he had had never seen a more sincere smile. It was even more annoying for Jinki but he had to admit that the son of a gun was handsome, too. He lifts his hand in the air for a small wave back before he exits the store. 

"Damn it," he says, kicking the tire of his truck as soon as he gets to it. He didn't expect to see them out together so soon. And the fact that they were both having a great time with each other hurt Jinki the most. He didn't know what else to do with himself now that his worst fears were coming true.

"Jinki," Kibum says as he burst through the doors, running after him. "You didn't say come over to say hi... Is everything okay?"

"Uh, yeah, sorry," he replies, not even daring to look Kibum in the eye. "The deliveries got mixed up today and it pissed me off. I need to get back... So... I guess I'll see you later."

"Oh. Yeah, sure," Kibum says, not buying Jinki's story at all. "You're still coming over later, right? To help me at the house?" 

"Of course," Jinki says, opening the door of his truck and getting in. "Just give me a call when you're ready. See you, Kibum."

"Bye," the younger man says faintly as Jinki angrily starts the engine and drives away. Kibum stood there as the truck disappeared into the distance, vowing to figure out what was wrong with Jinki. He wouldn't be able to rest until he knew. 

*****

_"Jinki, will you stop it?" Kibum says, walking faster as his temper boiled over. "I already told you a thousand times: That guy is only my lab partner. Lab. Partner. We do projects together for school, and that's it! I have no idea why you're making this such a big deal."_

_"Because!" The older man says, equally frustrated. "I've also told you a thousand and one times that I don't like the way he looks at you. I don't like it, Kibum. Can't you ask for another partner?"_

_"I can't just abandon him in the middle of the year, Jinki, and you know that. Ugh!"_

_Kibum storms off onto their garden, opening the small gate and slamming it behind him. Jinki struggles to keep up._

_"Wait! Kibum," he says, having a change of heart. No matter how he felt, fighting with Kibum certainly wouldn't make things better. "Kibum, don't get upset, please. I just don't like other people looking that way at you. I should be the only one who can."_

_The younger man stops in his tracks and turns around to look Jinki in the eye. Even if strong words had come from the older man's mouth, he knew that it was mostly caused by fear. Kibum could see it clearly in his eyes._

_"Just trust me, okay?" He says, reassuringly. "How could there be anyone else but you?"_

"Hey, Minho," Jinki says, as his friend sits with him through another one of those sunsets he loved to watch so much. The wind at the hill was kind of strong today, and their hair flopped around, annoying the older man even more. "Do you want to hang out? My Eomma will be playing mahjong. I'm supposed to help Kibum with something but I don't know what time that'll be. I've been wanting to open one of Appa's whiskey bottles for a while."

"Oh," the younger man replies. "I'd love to, Hyung. It's just that I already made plans with Jonghyun Hyung to hang out at the pub tonight. You're welcome to join us if you want to."

"Never mind," Jinki says, his face falling a bit. He heaves a sigh and shakes his head in irritation. He couldn't believe that guy was worming his way not just into Kibum's life but into everyone else's too. 

"Is there something wrong, Hyung?"

"Nothing, it's fine. Have fun," Jinki says, rather unconvincingly. 

"You don't like Jonghyun Hyung very much, do you?" 

"No, it's not that," the older man replies. "He's nice and all... He seems to fit in with us well. He's fine. Jonghyun is a perfectly adequate person."

"Wow," Minho says. "The last time I heard you being this enthusiastic, you were talking about a bale of hay. It's okay to be honest. It's just me."

Jinki aggressively pulls out a handful of grass and throws it to the wind. It pained him to say it out loud, but he had to let it out somehow. "Alright! Okay! I can't stand the guy. He has never been anything but nice and polite and respectful, and sometimes encouraging, but the thought of him makes my skin crawl. Call me a bad person, whatever! But I really can't stand him."

Minho's eyes were so wide that it almost bugged out of his head. He didn't imagine anyone being this pissed off at Jonghyun--especially not someone as gentle as Jinki. "Well tell me how you really feel," he says, staring at his Hyung who looked exasperated. The older man kept pulling grass from the hill, letting out his aggression on the poor patch of land underneath them.

"It's because of Kib, isn't it?"

Jinki falls back on the grass, throwing his latest harvest of grass onto his face. He had been avoiding admitting this, even to himself. But now that one of his best friends was confronting him about it, he had no other choice. He closes his eyes and nods furiously.

Minho claps and cheers so loudly at the admission that his voice echoes through the surrounding pastures. "I knew it!! There IS still something there!! I knew it, I told Taemin that you still looked at Kib the same way you always did and he didn't believe me! I should have made a bet! Oh my God, Hyung! What does this mean???"

"I don't knowwww," Jinki groans, as he lifts his hands to his forehead. This was going to be so complicated that it hurt his head to even start thinking about it. "Minho, if you don't keep your mouth shut about this, I will ttakbam your forehead so hard..."

"Ttakbam? Isn't that too harsh?" Minho says, clutching his forehead. Just the thought of Jinki's ttakbam already made his head hurt so bad.

"I mean it!" Jinki says, sitting back up and sending blades of grass flying in the breeze. "Not a word. Not even to Taemin."

"That's not fair," Minho mutters to himself, but he would much rather keep a secret than be subject to blinding pain. "Okay, fine..." An awkward silence fills the air as the younger man just stares at the stressed-out Jinki. "Dang. This is going to be so tricky... What are you going to do, Hyung?"

"I wish I knew."

*****

It was a few hours until the editor had called Jinki to come over. Since his parents were doing their best to take care of Halmeoni, all the house chores ended up under Kibum's purview. It horrified him to learn that the curtains had not been changed in over three months, and he couldn't let one more day pass by without doing anything about it.

He was up on the step ladder, as Jinki held it down safely for him and handed him whatever he needed to facilitate the change in linens. The young man must have sneezed five times already since they began. The dust was completely horrible. It took all his strength to not throw a fit about how things in the house got to be this neglected and so the two of them worked in silence. It was almost too quiet for Jinki to bear. 

It wasn't that Jinki minded being silent... But being this quiet with the many thoughts running around in his brain was almost too much. If he wanted to ask Kibum about Jonghyun without prying ears, this might be his only chance. It was now or never.

"Kibum?" Jinki says, his hands sweating profusely.

"Hmm?"

"Are you sure about that Jonghyun guy? I feel like you've been spending a lot of time with him. He's nice but... Are you sure you can trust him?"

Kibum stops what he's doing, brings his hands down and pouts in Jinki's direction. "Really? You get that kind of vibe from him?"

It made Jinki smile to know that his opinion still carried weight with Kibum. The younger man looks at him, eagerly awaiting what he had to say next. "A little bit... I don't know. This might not be fair because I don't know him, but I don't feel so at ease with him."

"That's weird," Kibum says, turning back to fix the curtain rod. "Minho and Taemin seem to like him a lot. Did you know that they already exchanged numbers and made plans for visits? Can you believe that? After all these years, they made room in the group for someone else."

"Maybe it's just me then," Jinki says, rolling his eyes and leaning his head on the ladder. Of course, he knew that it was just him. No one could dislike Jonghyun. 

"Wait, but if you think that way about him then..." 

"Then what?" 

Kibum turns around and speaks to Jinki from above. "Can I tell you something that's been on my mind? I'm kind of getting this sense that he's interested in me in some way. Am I crazy? I'm just being crazy," Kibum says, hoisting another curtain-laden rod into the air. "I mean... He always finds some way to touch me or tickle me... And he's flirty when we're alone."

"Ahh... Well... I kind of noticed that too. How do you feel about it?" Jinki asks, not prepared to hear the answer. 

"To be honest... I'm single, and he's single... We're both in a good place in our careers and we seem to have the same interests. He's really sweet... And he's not at all bad to look at... I could give him a chance if that's where this is going. It's not like there's anyone else who's interested in me... Right?"

Kibum was hoping to hear some sort of protest from Jinki... Telling him that this wasn't the right time... That he was probably just vulnerable from everything that's happening... Pushing that Jonghyun wasn't a good guy... Anything that would indicate that Jinki was the least bit curious about pursuing something with him. But, to Kibum's disappointment, he said nothing of the sort. 

"Yeah. I guess so," Jinki says, his expression seeming so defeated. Desperate to change the subject, he looks up at the curtains that Kibum had finally finished hanging. "It looks good. Definitely cleaner."

The young man looks up and mindlessly takes a step back, forgetting that he was atop a step ladder. Kibum quickly lost his footing and he was suddenly falling through the air, headed straight for the hard tiled floor. 

Jinki wastes no time and springs into action, quickly stepping in place and holding his hands out to catch the younger man. He lands with a thud, squarely in Jinki's arms, with both their hearts pounding. The two were face-to-face, the older man saving him from crashing.

"Are you okay?" Jinki whispers, trying not to be distracted by how close Kibum was. 

They couldn't even remember the last time that they had gotten this close to one another. Weirdly enough, it didn't seem odd or unsettling. They felt rather comfortable this way. And Kibum lets his mind drift as he blankly stares at the older man. Being this close, he noticed that Jinki probably hadn't shaved that morning, and marveled at how his stubbly cheeks made him look that much more manly. His familiar scent wafted into Kibum's nose and he instantly felt butterflies starting to swirl in his tummy.

Regardless of how Jinki felt about him, it was obvious that he had feelings for the businessman. Jonghyun immediately faded out of the picture.

The young man wordlessly composes himself and gets up on his feet. "Thank you," he says, as he straightens his shirt out. "I, uh... Lost my balance. Sorry."

"It's okay... I'll always keep you safe."


	12. Breaking Point

It's been a few days since Halmeoni's health scare and she seems to grow stronger with time. It was a huge relief for everyone, but for Kibum most especially. Knowing that he had a deep desire to be there for his beloved grandmother, he spent all his energy being the perfect, dutiful grandson. Kibum was at her beck and call, and he wanted it that way. 

It had also been a few days since Jonghyun had come into the fold. He got along well with everyone and seemed to find his groove with provincial life. It was almost as if he had been part of the town all along, instead of just a visitor passing through. He had an uncanny ability to make people around him feel at ease, which was great for him, as he always seemed to be talking to townsfolk about Kibum and his impact. Jonghyun could now walk down the street without a care in the world, and be greeted with warm hellos from everyone--everyone but Jinki, that is.

The older man did not like the way that Jonghyun was hanging around so close to Kibum all the time. He always had something to new to ask or something different to clarify. Over the next few days, the older man watched the journalist like a hawk but his feelings about him didn't change. There was something in the way that Jonghyun looked at Kibum that the older man hated. He recognized it instantly because what he saw was the same twinkle in his eye when he looked at Kibum as well. And it made him insanely jealous.

It didn't help that he had to spend one-on-one time with Jonghyun today. The journalist had been scheduling interviews with Kibum's close friends over the past few days and Jinki did his best to steer clear of it. It was irritating to realize that he had finally run out of excuses, and he had no other choice than to give in to his request.

He walks into Taeyeon's grocery store to find Jonghyun all ready and waiting for him. The younger man stands up with a smile and immediately bows politely when he sees Jinki come in.

"Thank you so much for meeting with me. Sorry for being so aggressive with setting this up but I couldn't imagine writing this piece without your input. Kibum speaks so highly of you," Jonghyun says. "I really appreciate you for helping me out."

"Sure. Anything for Kibum," he replies with a twinge of annoyance. He made sure to stress that he was doing this for Kibum, and not as a favor to Jonghyun. There was no chance that he would go out of his way for him despite how nice he was.

"You don't mind me recording this, right?" Jinki shakes his head no as the younger man takes out a recording device and sets it on the table. "So tell me how long you've known Kibum."

"Since we were kids. All the kids in this town grow up together, but Kibum, Minho, Taemin and I were especially close for some reason. It's just always been that way," Jinki says.

"How would you describe the Kibum that you knew then?"

There were thousands of stories that he could have pulled from but one in particular springs to his mind. 

_"What's wrong, Jinki Hyung?" Kibum says, as he carefully approached the older boy. He was sitting on the ground a few blocks away from his home with his knees close to his chest. Jinki was doing his best to conceal it but the younger boy could see that he was crying softly. Kibum sat beside him and tried his best to console his friend._

_"I... I lost the blue pen that my Appa gave me... He's going to be so mad... And now I don't have a blue pen anymore..."_

_Kibum's heart fell to his stomach. He knew that Jinki's family struggled and because of this, he valued his belongings very much. There was no way that he was going to get a replacement. That meant Jinki was going to have to save up from his already meager allowance or else he would have to go through the rest of the academic year missing the required color for quizzes and other exams. _

_The younger man sits down beside his Hyung, ransacks his backpack and pulls something out. "Here," Kibum says, placing something in Jinki's hand. _

_Jinki looks down at his palm and sees a nice, shiny pen. He was amazed at Kibum's concern and generosity, especially since he never thought that the younger boy liked him all that much. _

_"Go ahead," Kibum reassures. "It's yours now. I have others. See?" He opens his pencil case and shows Jinki that he did have other supplies to use. "I need to tell you something though. That's my favorite pen. I've never failed a test while using it."_

_Jinki becomes flustered and hands the pen back to Kibum. "No, no... If it's your favorite, then I can't accept it..."_

_"But I already gave it to you... You have to keep it now. Maybe receiving something that's special to another person can help you feel better because it means that you're special too," Kibum says with a smile. _

_"Th-thank you, Kibum... I wish I had something to give you in return," Jinki says, wiping the tears from his eyes, his cheeks flushed in a cherry red. _

_"Hmm... Maybe there is something. What about... If I don't have to call you Hyung anymore? That way, I'll always have a special place in your life: The dongsaeng who has permission to be rude," he says, laughing at his own audacity. _

_"...Okay," Jinki says, without even thinking about it. "You don't have to call me Hyung."_

_The younger boy was stunned. This was something that was unheard of and Kibum suddenly felt foolish having asked for it in the first place. "No, I was just kidding... I'm sorry..."_

_"I think it's a fair trade," Jinki says, holding the pen up. "A lucky pen for a deeper friendship. I'm glad you thought of it."_

_"Thanks, Jinki," Kibum says, giggling. "Not having to call you Hyung seems weird."_

_"You'll get used to it."_

"That's so cute," Jonghyun says. "Kibum-ssi really has a softer side to him. And you two seem to share a special bond... But... Some people were saying that there was a point in time where you guys lost contact. Would you want to tell me anything about that?"

"There's really nothing to tell... Life happens, that's all. We weren't as close as we once were just because we're leading totally separate lives. It's not anyone's fault... Things just happened to pan out this way."

"And now?"

Jinki heaves a deep sigh. He hadn't given a second thought to the fact that Kibum was leading a completely different life in the city. It was a life that he had built without him in it--and it terrified him to think that things could go on that way when Kibum goes back. 

"Now... I don't know if things will be different, but I do know that this period made us realize the value of friendship... We care about each other. We all do. I think family and friendship are the most important things in life."

The younger man smiles weakly, and Jinki was sensitive enough to tell that something had changed in his demeanor. Jonghyun reaches to pick up his device and turns it off. Immediately, Jinki realizes that the one thing that he didn't want to is about to happen and he was dreading it with his whole being. "Can we talk off the record?"

Jinki's heart falls to his stomach and he readies himself for the worst.

"People in town were saying that you two were high school sweethearts... And that things turned sour when Kibum decided to move into the city..."

"Are you expecting me to confirm that? Because you should know by now that I won't do that," he says defensively.

"No, no... We're off the record, remember? I'm not going to make it part of the piece or anything so don't worry," Jonghyun says, fidgeting in his seat. "The reason I brought it up is I was wondering if you guys still had something going on between the two of you."

Jinki's heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he was almost scared that Jonghyun was going to hear it. He didn't like where this conversation was going. He didn't like it at all. 

"Jinki Hyung, I've really enjoyed getting to know you and I know that you and Kibum are important to each other. And this is why I wanted to ask you before I did anything that might upset you... I would love to continue being friends with everyone, especially you. I just don't want things to get weird."

"Why would it get weird?"

"You didn't answer me," Jonghyun says, a bit of nervousness coming through in his voice. "The reason I'm asking is--"

"No," Jinki interrupts. There was no sense in prolonging Jonghyun's agony. "No, there's nothing going on between us. I've seen how you look at him... Go ahead, Jonghyun. You don't need my permission."

You could visibly see the relief wash over the journalist's face. "You're not upset?"

"Kibum deserves to be with someone who knows his worth... I think you're doing a good job of finding that out for yourself."

"Thank you, Jinki Hyung," Jonghyun replies with a huge smile on his face. "Wow. I was really nervous about talking to you about this. Turns out I was worried for nothing."

Jinki nods his head shyly, not really knowing what to do with himself. A strange lump was forming in his throat that was a mixture of so many emotions: anger, jealousy, sadness. It took all of his strength not to burst out in tears at that exact moment. 

"I'm really just waiting for the piece to be over and I was thinking of asking him out when we're both back in the city. I'd like to see if there's something there... He's a great person. I'd be stupid to let him go," Jonghyun gushes.

"Yeah," Jinki responds faintly. At least there was one thing that he could agree with Jonghyun on: To let Kibum go is stupid. The older man was trying his best not to let show that his heart dropped to his stomach, or that he felt like he was in a cold sweat. He needed to get out of there quickly. "Hey, thanks for letting me be a part of this but I really need to get back to work now. Maybe you can just call or email me if you have any more questions. I'll see you around?"

Jinki rises to his feet as Jonghyun mirrors his actions and sticks his hand out for a cordial handshake. "Actually, I'll be heading back to the city tonight on the last train. I need to get started on actually writing all of this. Minho offered to take me to the station tonight, so I guess this is goodbye. It was lovely meeting you, Jinki Hyung. I hope to see you again soon."

"Y-Yes, me too. Me too, Jonghyun. Take care," he says. "And good luck with... Everything."

"Thank you, Jinki Hyung. Bye," the journalist says with the most charming smile on his face. 

Jinki quickly walks to his truck and slams the door. A cold wave of panic flows through him, and it's as if he can't feel the steering wheel even though his eyes are telling him that he's grasping it too tightly. He rests his forehead on the wheel and is overcome with despair. This was it. He was losing Kibum. 

*****

"Hey," Kibum says, trying to smile as sweetly as he could. It wasn't that hard. He was elated to see Jinki again. "My Appa wanted me to give this to you."

The younger man sets down a crate filled with glass bottles - his father's goat's milk for the company's new cheese recipe. Jinki nonchalantly glances at the crate and waves his hand in the air. "Ah. Thanks," he says coldly, immediately looking back at the computer screen.

Kibum walks over to him, curious about what was keeping Jinki too preoccupied to even say a proper thank you. But before he could even come close, Jinki snaps at him. "The milk is fine there. Tell your Appa thank you. I'm really busy, Kibum. You should probably go."

"Cranky," Kibum says, rolling his eyes and taking a seat beside the older man who now had furrowed eyebrows. "I won't be a bother if you're busy. I can just sit here and be quiet. And, as a thank you for all you've done for me, I give you the authority boss me around if you need help."

"I don't really need help right now," the older man replies, seeming to grow more annoyed by the second. 

Kibum turns his head and leans into Jinki's personal space. The young man peers into Jinki's eyes, but he couldn't get him to even glance his way.

"Okay. What's wrong? What did I do?"

"Nothing. I'm just busy."

"You can't fool me, Lee Jinki. I'm not going to leave here until you tell me what's wrong," he says, with a sweet kind of determination in his voice. The truth was, he hated it when something bothered Jinki, and he knew that something had been bothering him for a while now. But the older man was completely tight-lipped. "You won't tell me, huh? Fine... I'll just stare at you until you do."

It was unnerving to have Kibum's face so near to his like this. Truth be told, since their close call a few nights ago, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about being close to Kibum. Now that the younger man was taunting him like this, it drove him absolutely insane.

Jinki decides to put his fresh ingredients away properly before he could do anything that he might regret. He quickly rises to his feet, lifts the crate up with ease, and starts to walk to the back of the barn. 

"Hey!" Kibum says, scurrying after him. "I'm trying to talk to you, Jinki. Jinki!"

Jinki heaves a bit and goes into the back room, which was his private space. He places the crate on one of the countertops, busying himself with putting the milk bottles away for the next day. But Kibum was relentless. He was followed all the way inside with the same amount of tenacity that the young man was always known for.

"What is it? Was it when we started eating without you yesterday? C'mon, Jinki. You were almost an hour late and Minho was famished. You know how he can get. And we had a guest with us. It would have been rude to make him wait a minute longer... "

The older man stayed silent and the only thing that you could hear was the clinking of the glass bottles as Jinki stowed them away. 

"Is it because I didn't tell you I was coming over? Do we really need to do that? We've stopped being courteous to one another since we were in fourth grade," Kibum says. "You show up at my house at two in the morning, for goodness' sake."

It was difficult to think about what it was that made Jinki feel this way. Kibum started making a list in his head of the things that could have happened recently that had the potential to piss Jinki off, and all signs pointed to one thing. "You know... Come to think of it... You've been cranky since Jonghyun arrived. This afternoon was your interview with him, wasn't it? That's it... You don't like that a journalist is prying..."

The older man simply looked at him in annoyance. He hoped that Kibum would stop pushing this, or else.

"Jinki, I know how much of an inconvenience it is, and I'll be forever grateful... But Jonghyun is nice. He's polite and sensitive to all of us and he fits in really well... Him doing his job is annoying sometimes but he's a good guy, right? Your interview couldn't have been that bad."

"I didn't know you liked him so much. Good luck with that," he says in response, Kibum's words acting like a dagger to his heart.

"What?" Kibum asks, incredulously. "What are you talking about? I'm being nice to him because one, he's nice too and two, he's writing a piece on me. What are you trying to say?"

Jinki certainly didn't want Kibum to see that he was affected by all of this so he turns and walks away before he was caught with tears in his eyes.

"And even if it was something more, so what? So what if I like him? Why do you care?"

That was it. Jinki turns around to face Kibum and look into his eyes for the first time since he arrived. There was no point in holding it in anymore. If he didn't make his move now, then he might lose his chance forever. The older man marches towards Kibum with so much force and determination that it makes the latter take a step back. 

Jinki reaches out to Kibum's face and pulls it closer to his, pressing his lips to the young man's. 

Kibum's eyes are wide open in surprise. His heartbeat went from zero to a hundred in that split second. Instinctively, the young man pushes Jinki away with all his might out of complete and utter shock. The two of them stand there awkwardly, trying to process what just happened.

"S-sorry," Jinki says, his hands shaking. "Oh, God, Kibum. I'm so sorry, I just--"

Kibum brings a hand to his own lips when he realized that he had just been kissed. Even though his lips hadn't met Jinki's in years, it somehow felt better this time around. And he wanted more.

The young man lunges into Jinki's arms and kisses him back passionately. 


	13. Too

The young man's lips were more supple than he remembered it to be. Jinki almost lost his mind as all his senses were engulfed by Kibum. He kept his eyes open, finding it hard to believe that this was actually happening with the most handsome man he had ever seen. His spine tingled every time he would hear Kibum moan in his ear, the sounds alone almost enough to take him over the edge. The scent of Kibum's perfume was burning itself onto his brain and intoxicated him even more. Their hands were everywhere, busy exploring each other's bodies for the first time. Jinki discovered that the young man's soft skin was not just on his face, but was everywhere on his body. Touching him was like running his hands through silk sheets. 

Kibum moans quietly as Jinki plants his lips on the young man's neck, kissing aggressively as he ran his hands up and down his back. Something inside him was unleashed as he struggled to keep himself from biting and clawing at the young man. The desire was at the pit of his stomach and it grew more and more each second. When Jinki placed his lips on Kibum's neck and lightly sucked on it, the young man heaved his body forward in ecstasy, causing them to be pressed harder into one another. They could feel each other becoming excited through their clothes, and it drove them all the more insane.

The young man throws his head back to give Jinki more access and the older man obliges. Jinki could not make his mind up on whether he wanted to get back to Kibum's lips or keep paying attention to his long and slender neck, and he did both interchangeably. Kibum was squirming so much that he had a hard time standing still and he didn't realize that he kept pushing Jinki backward. The pair stopped when they met an empty table at the back of the barn which they used to steady themselves.

Jinki's back was to the table and suddenly, it was Kibum who was in the position of power. In one swift move, the young man pulls Jinki's shirt over his head and marvels at his bare chest.

"Holy shit," Kibum says, his eyes wide with excitement. Jinki's chest was more toned and muscular than he had prepared himself for. "I can't believe you had all this under there."

The older man instantly blushes and hides in the crook of Kibum's neck. 

"Don't be embarrassed... I like it a lot," Kibum says reassuringly. He leans in and kisses Jinki's lips passionate, his tongue exploring every crevice in his mouth. "Seriously," he says in between breaths. "You're fucking hot."

Kibum runs his hands down Jinki's torso, wiping away a thin layer of sweat that made Jinki's muscles glisten even in the dark. The older man couldn't hold back anymore as Kibum leans over and takes a nipple in his mouth. Jinki's groans were deep and guttural, and it made Kibum even more eager to please him. Kibum starts to run his tongue down Jinki's body and he throws his head back with his eyes closed so tightly. The older man's hands instinctively find their way onto Kibum's shoulders and gently coaxed the younger man lower and lower. 

"Are you sure about this?" Jinki asks, completely out of breath.

"Shut up," Kibum says forcefully, as he begins to kneel and yanks the older man's jeans down with him. 

Jinki caresses the back of Kibum's head as he steadies himself by leaning on a large wooden table behind him. He hisses loudly Kibum uses his teeth to pull his boxers down, unleashing his growing erection underneath. The older man moans loudly as Kibum devours his member. The warmth of his breath and the softness of his mouth made him grip the ends of the table tightly. He was so glad he had something to lean on, or else his knees would have given out from under him. 

"Shit," Jinki manages to croak out, completely lost in pleasure.

Jinki was rock hard at the excitement of it all. The young man massages Jinki's balls tenderly as his tongue swirls around the length of him, ending at the tip. Kibum was enjoying himself too. In his mind, there was nothing that tasted better than Jinki. He takes the older man into his mouth little by little until his throat had covered Jinki in his entirety, causing him to gag a little bit. Jinki places his hands behind Kibum's head as he gently guides the young man up and down his shaft.

"Kibum," Jinki moans, as the younger man's head was bobbing up and down his shaft. "Slow down if you want me to last. Shit."

Kibum smirks as he lets Jinki go and wipes the side of his mouth with his sleeve. Jinki couldn't contain himself as he reaches down to pick Kibum by his armpits. The younger man doesn't miss a beat and swings his legs around Jinki's waist as he is hoisted into the air, and coiling his arms around his neck. The two resume making out as Jinki turns around and lets Kibum sit on the table. Kibum is overcome with lust as he starts to grind himself onto Jinki, his own member straining to get out. 

"Oh, God," Kibum says, as the older man hurriedly takes Kibum's sweater off and leaves a trail of wet kisses all over his entire torso. "Jinki..."

The older man finds Kibum's nipples and flicks his tongue over them rapidly, as his hand finds its way towards Kibum's member. The young man thrusts his hips towards Jinki, welcoming his touch and moaning in pleasure. He had never been touched this way before. Everything was new and exciting but at the same time, he felt so safe. He couldn't explain how, but each touch they shared seemed natural and comfortable. Like this is the way it was meant to be.

Jinki reaches into Kibum's pants and the young man couldn't help himself as Jinki's warm touch met him. "Fuck, ah..." 

The older man stands over Kibum, sliding his hand up and down the younger man's shaft as Kibum reaches out and does the same for Jinki. The barn is filled with moans and grunts as the two lock eyes with one another. Through lust, their emotions overwhelmed them. Being able to get their feelings out for each other in this way almost gave them both a sense of relief. It almost brought Jinki to tears to be able to look into Kibum's eyes and make him feel pleasure--the ultimate expression of how he felt. 

"Kibum," he says, over their writhing bodies. He didn't have to say anything else for the young man to understand. If there were ever doubts in either of their minds, this moment had blown them out of the water. There was still love between them. 

The young man lightly pushes Jinki away to take off the rest of his clothes. For a minute, everything stopped. They looked at each other with a sense of wonder and awe, each of them baring themselves in the most vulnerable way. Kibum lets his eyes crawl over Jinki's naked body and the older man does the same. 

"Take me, Jinki..." he whispers. "I'm yours."

The older man draws closer, gently caressing Kibum's face, as he lets his index finger slowly drag across his mouth. Kibum immediately sucks on it and locks eyes with Jinki, who immediately added his middle finger into the young man's mouth. The sounds coming from Kibum were making him so excited that Jinki's member had started to drip precum onto the young man's thigh. It made the Kibum all the more hot for Jinki. 

Kibum took Jinki's wet fingers and leaned back onto the table, exposing his hole. The older man's heart started to beat even more rapidly at what Kibum wanted to happen. Suddenly, he felt Kibum guiding him around his most vulnerable area, swirling his fingers around to coax it open. Even if he was so excited, he was worried about hurting Kibum. 

"We don't have to do this," he says. "I don't want to hurt you."

Without batting an eye, Kibum pushes the ends of Jinki's fingers into himself. "Just do it slowly. I'll be fine."

The velvety feel inside the younger man was insane. The thought of being in him was driving Jinki wild. Kibum's walls hugged his fingers so tightly that he worried he wouldn't even be able to get inside him at all. 

Kibum props himself up on his elbows and watches as Jinki's fingers slide in and out of him. The look of pure desire in Jinki's eyes made his heart race. He almost couldn't bear it anymore. 

"Ah," the young man moans loudly. "It feels so good, Jinki... You can spit on it if it gets too dry."

Jinki obliges, as he lets a trail of spit fall down from his mouth, making it that much easier to pump into Kibum. The older man reaches up and curls his fingers a bit until he hears a response from his partner. He watches as Kibum starts to squirm in place, an indication that he had found the right spot. 

"Jinki!" Kibum moans, suddenly clawing at Jinki's bare arms. "Uhh, Jinki... Shit..."

It was the older man's turn to smirk and he took a mental note of that exact spot. He knew that Kibum would climax if he didn't stop, so he withdrew his fingers and admired how he had stretched Kibum out. The two looked hungrily at one another as Jinki licked his palm and rubbed his saliva all over his shaft. 

Kibum almost couldn't breathe as he waited for Jinki's next move. The older man grabs Kibum's hips on one side to steady them both as he inserts the tip of his member into his hole. He was a considerate lover. Jinki moved carefully and only went in deeper when Kibum told him to. Every now and then he would let his saliva trickle down onto his shaft, just to make things a little easier on the younger man. 

Having Jinki inside him was the best feeling he ever experienced. The older man was big and filled him up well, to the point that Kibum had tears in his eyes. But Jinki was so sweet about it. As soon as he had fully entered Kibum, the older man held him close and started to kiss him passionately, letting him get used to the feeling. The younger man could definitely tell that he was safe in his arms. He was cared for... And he was loved. 

Jinki wrapped one arm around Kibum and had his face close to the young man's ear as he started to pump in and out. His other hand moved down slowly to stroke Kibum's shaft as he moved, making sure to hit the young man's sweet spot. 

"Kibum," he moans in the young man's ear. "So tight... You feel so good, ahh..."

The young man was delirious, overwhelmed by all the sensations that he was feeling. Jinki hit his most sensitive spot over and over again and furiously slid his hands up and down his member at the same time. He let his eyes roll to the back of his head as Jinki gave him the greatest pleasure he had ever known. He wanted to scream but it was all too much for him, and no sound came out from his lips. He could feel the older man moving faster and faster and he knew that he was close to his release. He mustered all his strength and pushed him a little so that he could look into Jinki's eyes.

"Cum inside me," he says, panting. "Let's cum together."

Jinki nods as he continues to pound into Kibum, the noises of their bodies slapping against each other filling the barn. 

"I love you, Kibum," the older man whispers, looking into his partner's eyes. "I will always love you."

Just then, he throws his head back and grunts while his whole body shook. With each shudder Jinki made, Kibum feels a stream of cum being released inside of him. That was enough to send the young man over the edge too. His body shakes as he explodes all over Jinki's hand and finally lets out the scream that he was holding in the entire time. 

They kissed each other sweetly until both their erections had softened a bit. Jinki could not get enough of Kibum as he kept planting kisses on his neck and all over his torso, never wanting to let go. 

Their bodies fail them as Kibum falls back onto the table, absolutely spent. The young man looks up at the ceiling for a bit and giggles to himself. He couldn't believe that this just happened.

Jinki disappears from view for a minute and the young man hears him scurrying around with his pants still around his ankles. He comes back in a flash, and Kibum scoots over to make room for him in their makeshift bed. Jinki had his pants back on properly and he hands the younger man a towel as they both try to clean themselves up. 

"Are you alright?" Jinki asks, worried. "Do you want water?"

"I'm fine," Kibum answers, still trying to catch his breath. "Jinki... That was..."

"I know," the older man responds. A blush comes onto his face as he reaches for Kibum's sweater and drapes it over the younger man's bare torso. 

Kibum looks over at Jinki with so much love and admiration. Even at this moment, Jinki was still taking care of him and making sure he was comfortable. He didn't know how they lived apart from each other all those years. Jinki was truly everything he was looking for. He reaches out and places his hand on Jinki's cheek.

"Jinki... I'll always love you, too."


	14. Breakthrough

_"Kibum," Jinki says, as he could feel himself getting more and more excited with every minute that passed by. Kibum's kisses were growing more urgent and Jinki felt himself wanting to get lost in them so badly. _

_The younger man's wandering hands really didn't help at all, with Kibum finding his way into Jinki's shirt. His hand touching bare skin set him on fire. Muffled groans escape his lips as Kibum finds his way on top, pressing their bodies closer to one another. He looks up at the younger man, whose eyes were shut tight and enjoying being this close. Seeing Kibum on top of him like this was almost too much to bear. A familiar feeling at the pit of his stomach began to grow and he knew that he had to stop this right now before he couldn't turn back._

_"Kibum," he says, mustering the strength to protest. "Wait... Let's slow down, okay?"_

_The younger man stops abruptly with a look of concern on his face. "Is there something wrong? Are you okay?"_

_"No, I'm fine," the older man replies. "I just think we should slow down a little bit."_

_Beads of sweat rolled down Jinki's cheek despite the cool Sunday afternoon. He hurriedly gets up out of bed to switch the fan on and stands in front of it, wiping the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. He closes his eyes and desperately tries to get his thoughts on something else - anything, to get himself under control again._

_Kibum sits in his bed for a while, dumbfounded that this has happened again. Every single time that he wanted to take things a little bit further with Jinki, the older man acted like this. He was beginning to think that there was something wrong with him, and he hated feeling that way about himself. It hurt even more that it was caused by the one person whose opinion meant the most to him. _

_He waits for Jinki to say something. Just this once, maybe he could explain why he seemed so averse to the idea of having sex. But the older man stays silent, his head down and his back towards Kibum. Nothing could be heard in the room except for the dull, repetitive humming of the whirling fan. _

_"I'll just head home," the younger man finally says, getting quickly out of the bed. Without another word, Kibum starts picking up his things from all over Jinki's room and angrily shoving them into his backpack. _

_Jinki turns his head in alarm, almost sent into a panic by the tone in Kibum's voice. Over the years, he had mastered how the younger man expressed different emotions and this was definitely out of the ordinary. Kibum wasn't just annoyed or upset... Jinki could tell that he was hurt. _

_"Hey, hey," he says, making his way quickly to his boyfriend. Kibum managed to dodge the older man and continue getting his things which were scattered all over the room. So Jinki had to hold on to his shoulders and do his best to catch Kibum's eye. "What's wrong? Why are you leaving? I thought we were spending the afternoon together."_

_Kibum thought of keeping his feelings to himself, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to keep a secret from Jinki for long. He takes a deep breath and decides to say everything that he was feeling. The months of frustration, pent-up anger, and heightened insecurities came flying out of him in one fell swoop. _

_"I hate this," the younger man replies, tears filling his eyes. "I don't understand why you act this way. You say you love me and think the world of me, but then when it gets like this, you treat me like I disgust you or something. I'm tired of feeling like crap about myself every time this happens. I'll just go home."_

_"What?" Jinki says, his eyes wide with concern. There must be some mistake. He couldn't believe his ears. "What are you talking about??"_

_Avoiding eye contact, the younger man tries to walk around Jinki with as much speed as he could. But Jinki was deceptively strong. He catches Kibum and holds on to his arms to find out exactly what was going on. _

_"What do you mean 'You disgust me'? Kibum, I have never thought that in my life!"_

_"Y-You haven't?" Kibum asks, in between soft sobs. _

_"No, never!" Jinki says, pulling Kibum in for a tight embrace. "Oh my God. Do you think that's what goes through my head when I say I need to calm down?"_

_The younger man nods his head, tears now fully spilling onto his cheeks now. _

_"Kibum," Jinki says, as he takes his boyfriend's hands and sits him down onto his bed. "I'm so sorry... I never meant to make you feel that way. I'm an idiot. I'm such an idiot."_

_He takes the young man's bags out of his hands and lays it down on the floor. Wiping every tear with his own hands, Jinki makes sure to look Kibum in the eye as he finally says the truth. "Yes, I do stop when things get heated between the two of us but it isn't because I don't find you attractive... I don't have eyes for anyone else but you. You know that... Right?"_

_He says it with such a sincere look in his eye that made Kibum feel silly that he ever let himself feel insecure. He thought back to all the times that Jinki had made him feel like he was the only other person in the world... All the times that he was made to feel so special and loved. The older man was right. There was no way that what he was thinking could be the truth. Kibum nods his head in acknowledgment, instantly feeling a little bit better about everything._

_"If you really want to know... I stop when I can because I know that if I get past a certain point, I won't be able to control myself. And I don't want it to get to that..."_

_"Why not?" Kibum asks, sniffling. _

_Jinki looks down at their hands and is a bit shy to tell him exactly why. But he knew that he had to. They always promised to be honest with one another. He couldn't stand seeing Kibum in pain because of him. "It's not that I don't want you... I do. It's just... I'm scared. I don't know what I'm doing and I want to disappoint you or hurt you... And I really don't want you to think that's all I want from you. You're too precious to me."_

_Kibum looks up to stare at the older man in disbelief. It was hard to process that any young man would think this way. But Jinki did. And Kibum had never felt more treasured in his life. _

_"I'm scared too," Kibum responds. "But it feels nice to show you how much I love you in that way, you know... When you walk away, I feel like you're rejecting me..."_

_"I could never," Jinki says. "Let's take our time, okay? I don't want to rush into it, that's all. I know that when it happens, it'll be beautiful..."_

*****

The car ride home was mostly silent - not that either of them had minded. There was a comfort in the silence that they shared; an unspoken agreement that every whisper of their heart had already been expressed in the most beautiful way that they could think of. They now knew how they truly felt about one another. Nothing more needed to be said. 

As the chilly night air wafted through the open windows of Jinki's truck, he looks over at Kibum at the same exact time the young man glanced over at him too. Warm smiles were exchanged as he took his right hand off the wheel and laced Kibum's hand in his. It was one of the sweetest gestures that the younger man had ever experienced and he could immediately feel the blush coming onto his cheeks. 

Everything felt so right.

And even if he wanted just enjoy this moment, that in itself worried Jinki. 

If he had learned anything in his difficult adult life, it was that things were never as good as they seemed... At least not for long. And he dreaded having to face the fact that their lives operated in different universes. He was sure that he would have to make some difficult decisions again along the way. Their little pocket of joy would have to end sometime but the truth was, Jinki didn't want it to. Despite everything that practicality dictated, there he was - willing to go all-in. Jinki was sure that if there was anyone in this world worth risking anything for, it was definitely Kibum. It's been decided. He wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.

Kibum, on the other hand, could not believe how fate has brought them back together. After all these years, he was surprised to find that his heart still beats for Jinki and Jinki alone. It was like he was floating in the air, and nothing could bring him down from the clouds. He kisses Jinki's cheek and lays his head on his shoulder. 

"How come we never did that before?"

Jinki chuckles at the younger man's blunt question.

"No, seriously," Kibum asks, constantly adjusting his grip on Jinki's hand. It was nice getting reacquainted with the feeling of the older man's palm in his. "I kept trying but... Maybe you really just didn't want me then and you were too scared to say that."

"You've forgotten," Jinki replies, sneaking a glance at Kibum. He was barely able to keep his eyes on the road. All he wanted was to stare at Kibum's beautiful face.

The younger man pouts and clicks his tongue. "No, I know. Can't you take a hint? I just wanted to hear it again to see if it's still true."

"Baby, if you only knew how much I wanted you. It literally hurt. You know you've always meant a lot to me. I just wanted it to be special, that's all."

"So was it?"

Turning his head to the side, Jinki sweetly plants a kiss on Kibum's forehead. "Better than special. It was beautiful."

In no time at all, they arrive at the Kim house, the darkness enveloping the progress that Kibum had made in repairing Halmeoni's beautiful garden. It was almost painful to let go of Kibum's hand as they get out of the truck together. They both walk up to the door like they used to do when they were younger when Jinki waited for Kibum to get safely inside his home. The older man lets out a sigh as he said something that he had been wanting to say the whole night.

"I just wanted you to know that this isn't a one-time thing. You mean more to me than that. I'd really like to be a part of your life from now on, if you'll let me." 

For once, Kibum didn't really know what to say. Of course, he wanted the same thing that Jinki did. But now that their lives were in separate places, there were so many things to consider. It was too complicated to even begin thinking about. He quickly shakes his head, wanting to clear his mind from any thoughts that could take away from the happiness he was feeling. 

He smiled shyly, as he reached to grab Jinki's hand. "Let's talk about it in the morning? I want to sort this out too..."

"I really wish I could have you to myself tonight," the older man says, pulling Kibum's hand and yanking him close for a sweet embrace.

Kibum leans into the hug, burying himself into the crook of Jinki's neck. The smell of his skin made the younger man's heart beat so fast. "I do too... It's just that... You know how busy early mornings around here can get. I need to help while I can."

"Yeah, I know," Jinki says, leaning in for a soft kiss. "So, tomorrow?"

"Are you really going to come by after breakfast?" Kibum says, playfully locking his arms around the older man and not letting him go. 

"No one can stop me," he replies, with a smile. 

The two share a kiss as the moonlight wraps around them beautifully, casting a soft glow on both of them. Kibum stares at Jinki for a minute, completely overwhelmed that they had found themselves in love again after all these years. 

Jinki plants another kiss on Kibum's cheek and whispers good night before he starts to walk back to his truck. The older man debates in his mind whether he should say the three words that he desperately wanted to say and decided that one declaration for one night is more than enough. But that didn't stop him from expressing it through his eyes. And Kibum felt it profoundly as he stared back at him before getting into the driver's seat. 

The young man waves goodbye as the truck disappeared into the cloak of night, before coming into his home.

Neither of them could remember the last time they were this happy.

*****

Jinki just arrived back home when he heard his phone ringing. He picks it up excitedly without even looking at who it was, expecting that it was going to be the one person that he was already missing.

"I just got home," he says, as he gets comfortable in the driver's seat, expecting a long conversation. 

"Uh... I'm glad you got home safe, Jinki-ssi," says a vaguely familiar voice on the other end. 

Startled, he immediately sits up and collects himself. He wasn't expecting business calls at this hour. Jinki hurriedly looks at the screen of his phone and doesn't recognize the number that rang him. "Sorry, who's this?"

"That's alright," the person on the other end says with a giggle. "It's me, Jonghyun! I'm on the train now on the way back to the city and was a little sad that I didn't get to say a proper goodbye. Thank you so much for making my stay pleasant."

The businessman rolls his eyes at the annoyingly sweet and thoughtful caller. "Oh! Jonghyun-ssi, good to hear from you. It was great to have you here."

"You're really too kind, Jinki-ssi," the writer says. Jinki had to admit that Jonghyun's voice was so soothing to listen to. It was like he could hear him smiling as he talked. "Listen, there's actually another reason why I called. Is this a good time to talk?"

Jinki paused to think. After what happened with him and Kibum earlier, he realized that he didn't need to be jealous of the new guy anymore. He knew he had Kibum's heart now. And maybe he could finally be open to Jonghyun. After all, with the way that Minho and Taemin treated him, he was pretty sure he was going to see this guy more regularly anyway. He deserved at least a chance at a decent friendship. 

"Uh, sure, Jonghyun-ssi. What can I help you with? Let's speak comfortably. You can call me Hyung."


	15. Again

He couldn't get Jinki off his mind. It was like being in high school again. Kibum woke up with a smile on his face and had a spring in his step. Waking up early wasn't even that hard for him anymore when he realized that it was going to be another day with Jinki. 

The hours went by so slowly until they could spend some time together. They both had a lot of things to do, but Kibum just couldn't wait to wrap his arms around Jinki one more time. Even if they already spent a bit of time together in the morning, the young man couldn't wait until they could see each other again later in the day. It was completely ridiculous. And he couldn't help himself. 

As soon as he got the text from Jinki saying that he was done for the day, Kibum all but ran over to the Lee farm. It didn't matter that people were staring as he whizzed past them. All he wanted to do was get there as fast as he could. 

"Hey," Kibum says, as he finally made it, closing the small barn door behind him.

Jinki looked so great that night with his hair slicked back and his shirt clinging to him in all the right places. He was wearing those dark-rimmed glasses that made him look like a hot teacher. But most of all, his eyes lit up at the sight of the younger man - his beautiful smile creeping across his face instantly. 

"Hi," Jinki greets him, rising from his seat. The older man immediately spreads his arms and engulfs him in a tight hug. "It's been such a long day... I missed you."

"Me too," Kibum says softly, as he leans in for a kiss. "Guess what? Jonghyun's article is coming out next week."

"Oh, really? He called?" the older man asks, his eyes shifting a bit. "That was fast. And it's nice of him to tell you."

Even if he gave it his best try, he couldn’t help feeling jealous. True, Jonghyun did give him a call as well. But it was vastly different with Kibum. He didn’t like it one bit.

"Yeah, he called to ask me a couple more questions and to tell me about when it's going to be published... Is that okay?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" Jinki scoffs, trying to brush it off as best as he could. But his ears were getting hotter and he felt the sudden urge to punch a wall.

"I just don't want you to be jealous or anything... I figured, Jonghyun being around must have really bothered you for you to talk to Minho about him."

"What? How did you even--I told him. I already told him that I would ttakbam him if he told you," the older man says, rolling his eyes in frustration.

"Minho didn't tell me. Taemin did."

"That's even worse!" Jinki says, as the two of them burst out laughing. Their friends were completely hopeless.

"Serves you right for even thinking that they could keep a secret. Everything's fair game between the four of us. You know that."

Jinki smiles as he hooks his hands around Kibum's waist, giving him direct access to his lovely brown eyes. “So, does that mean they know that we got… Close… Last night?”

Kibum automatically leaned in for a quick kiss on Jinki’s pillowy lips. “Okay, so I guess not EVERYTHING.”

"Sorry about telling Minho. I couldn't help it... I just needed someone to talk to. That whole Jonghyun thing was driving me up the wall. It may have had something to do with him telling me that he wanted to ask you out when you got back to the city. I guess I didn't like that very much."

“Boy. That guy doesn’t quit, does he? Did I ever tell you that he already tried to ask me out when we first met?”

“He did?” Jinki says, surprised at the information. “If he’s getting ready to ask you out, then that means you already shot him down before?

“Yeah,” Kibum says. “I told him my work comes first and I didn’t want to start anything with anyone.”

“And now?”

“Well… If he asks me out again then I’d have to tell him the truth: There’s someone who made me realize that work isn’t everything… And that I’m far too in love to think about anyone else.”

“Good. Because I’m so in love, too…”

Kibum smiles widely, leaning more into the embrace. Their chests were pressed together so tightly that they could feel each other's hearts. It was a comforting feeling for them both, finally knowing for sure that their hearts would always beat for each other. 

They stay in that warm embrace for a bit, but the young man’s energy changes suddenly. Kibum remembers that he wasn’t here solely to be in romantic bliss with the man of his dreams. He hated everything about this, but he had no other way of dealing with it but with the truth.

"Hey, listen," Kibum says, his expression changing. "About going back to the city..."

He takes Jinki's hands in his and readies himself to tell him the bad news.

"Looks like I'm going to have to head back to the city a couple of days earlier than expected... Something came up with the editorial and they need me to be on top of it – boss’ orders. I did everything I could to get out of it but it's just one of those things that I really have to do..."

The older man’s face falls and suddenly, he wasn’t smiling at all. "How soon are you leaving?"

"I have to be on the train tomorrow morning."

"I see," Jinki says, trying not to let his disappointment show. "It's okay... It's work. It’s fine. But do you think you can come back home and at least finish the rest of your time off?"

Kibum sighs. "I want to but the truth is, I won't really know until I get there. I really hope I can, though. But I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you." 

"I guess this was inevitable," the older man says, trying not to be negative about the whole thing.

The selfish part of him wanted to keep Kibum here. He wanted to preserve this hole in time and space where everything worked out for the two of them to be together. He wanted to keep waking up with the joy of knowing that the love of his life was only a few steps away. But the moment he gave his heart to Kibum, it stopped being about him. “We’ll work something out, right?”

“Of course,” Kibum says, leaning in for another kiss. “We’ll work something out.”

The young man sighs and bites his lip out of frustration. He knew that Jinki was trying to put on a brave face but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t hide. Kibum hated being the cause of his sadness. The heartbreak of leaving Jinki behind one more time was getting to him so bad, and tears start to fall from his eyes.

"I’m going to miss home so much. Being here... Especially now, with you... Everything is so simple. I feel like I can be myself when I'm surrounded by the people I love. I wish I could stay."

“Me too,” Jinki replies, his head hanging low. "I can't believe this is happening again."

*****

_The hardest part about it all was that he knew. He knew that Kibum was waiting. Taemin came running to his house to tell him that Kibum was worried sick. Even Minho, who usually let him be, was hounding him about it. It took all his strength to calmly tell them to leave him alone. This was between him and Kibum. If only the older man could muster up the courage to face him. _

_He let the hours go by, numbly laid down on his bed, until the world around him fell into a deep slumber. Of course, Jinki couldn't sleep a wink. Tossing and turning, he would flutter between being sure and being unsure of what he was doing. It was pure torture. _

_Jinki had imagined a million scenarios about how their conversation could go. Kibum would probably scream and curse at him, but the point was he could still fix this. The older man could still pick up the phone and talk to him, sure, but what would he say? He could say that something happened at the farm yesterday... Just one lie. Or he could say that he would save up to get another train ticket for another day... Okay, maybe two lies. Or he could just grow a pair and say that it was over; that he didn't love him anymore... The biggest lie of all. _

_Jinki picks up his phone to see if he had the stomach to at least send Kibum a text, and he is shocked at the number of times the younger man had tried to reach him. 25 missed calls. 33 text messages. One after the other. _

_"I'm here! See you soon!"_

_"Was there a delay with your train? Please be safe."_

_"Hey, wasn't your train the one arriving at 2:20? _

_"Jinki, I talked to Minho and he said he hasn't seen you anywhere. Did you get on the train? What happened?"_

_"Please just tell me you're okay. I'm going crazy thinking of what could have happened to you. I don't even know where you are."_

_"Taemin said that he talked to your Eomma and she said you're at home right now? Jinki, please. What's happening?"_

_"It's been hours. Everyone says you're home, but we had a plan and I know you would never do this to me. I don't know what to believe. Is everything okay?"_

_"Jinki, please... I love you... You know I love you, right? We've been through so much. It's me, just tell me what's going on..."_

_"Jinki, they're making me leave. I don't want to leave just in case you finally get here... I'm staying, okay? No matter what happens I'll be at our meeting place."_

_"It's raining. It's so cold. Please get here soon, my Jinki."_

_The older man sobs into his pillow. He couldn't bear to look at any more of Kibum's messages. An awful feeling of dread comes over him as he realizes just what he had done. Jinki never realized that he could hurt the one that he loved this much. And it killed him. _

_In his gut, he felt that he was making a grave mistake. There was no one else he could see himself being with besides Kibum. But he really had no other option. The damage had been done. It was too late to back down now. _

_"I'm so sorry, Kibum," he says, as he turns his phone off. "I hope one day you can forgive me."_

_It was an outrageous wish to ask for, knowing that he wouldn’t even able to forgive himself. _

_*****_

Packing his bags days before he intended to leave was so hard. With each shirt that he folded, all he could think about how he was leaving so many important things behind. With Kibum's energy influencing her daily, Halmeoni was regaining her strength much faster than the doctors had expected. 

"Useless," he says, flinging his designer cardigan into his suitcase. "I feel so useless."

He had to talk it over with her. He just had to.

"Halmeoni?" Kibum says softly, being careful not to wake his Eomma, who was snoring in a cot by Halmeoni's feet.

Kibum tiptoes beside her bed, checking to see if his beloved grandmother was awake. And to his delight, she was. She turns her head and looks directly into her grandson's eyes. 

"How are you feeling," he asks, doing his usual round of checks on her. He carefully observes her breathing and tries to gauge whether she needs anything from him. "Are you having trouble sleeping tonight?"

"No, my Dear," she says, her bright smile coming through clearly. "I just know when my Kibum needs me."

"I have no idea how you do that. No one can read me better than you do," Kibum says, taking a seat beside her and reaching out for her hand.

"Kibum… It's okay," she says, her full attention on him. "It's okay to go back to the life you have built for yourself. Don't you dare worry about me."

Tears fill his eyes as she says exactly the right words that he needed to hear. 

"I'm so happy that you've come to spend time with me. But this was just a pit-stop. You’ve come home to remind yourself of who you are, and to be doted on by the people you love. The gas tank of your heart has been filled. You need to get back in the race now, my Darling."

"I don't think I can leave you, Halmeoni," he replies, his voice shaking. "I feel so horrible about not being here for so long and now that I want to make it up to you, I have to go."

"There is nothing to make up for," she says. "The best thing that you could do for me is to live your life well, Kibum. That is all that I have ever wanted for you. Unless... I am not the only one you are worried about leaving behind."

The young man nods his head, trying not to let his emotions overwhelm him. He knew that seeing him cry made his Halmeoni worry and he didn't want to do that - especially not now. "Having that distance between us isn't ideal. We both have great careers going on that we have to think of, too. It's going to be really hard. I don't know if I'm strong enough to make it work... I have half the mind to ask him to come with me. I’ve also thought about staying here, too. I’m so scared to make a mistake. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Isn't it funny," Halmeoni says, lightly chuckling about the situation. "When we don't learn a lesson the first time around, life has a way of having things repeat itself so that we get another chance to make it right."

"But, Halmeoni, this isn't the same," Kibum protests. "We were kids then. This is totally different."

"Is it?"

Kibum is rendered speechless. Of course, she was right; This is the exact same dilemma that they found themselves in many years ago. The young man has the chance to make the right choices this time, if only he were brave enough to do so.

"Do you love him?"

Kibum could no longer control the tears quietly coming down his cheek. "I do, Halmeoni. Very much."

"Then that's all you need to know, my sweet Kibum. That is everything you need to know."


	16. The Last Night

It had been a full hour since Kibum had started sobbing into his pillow. The last time he cried this hard was the night Jinki didn’t show up at the station all those years ago. He promised himself that he would never cry like that again—especially not because of Jinki, but here he was back where he started.

“What are you doing,” he asks himself. “Don’t be so dramatic. Thousands of couples are apart, but they make it work. Seeing each other once every couple of months is doable, right? There are video calls, and text messages, and even regular mail, and… I hate this so much.”

The younger resumes his crying spell, frustrated that he couldn’t do anything to stop this from happening. The truth was, he didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to leave any of this behind.

All of a sudden, Kibum was distracted by a faint rustling of leaves from outside his window. He tried his best to shake it off and go back to crying but it only got more aggressive. To his surprise, a hand pops out from between the bushes and opens his window, with the one person he wanted to see most emerging into view.

“Jinki?” he says, completely flustered. Hurriedly, he wipes the tears off his face and tries to hide his puffy eyes.

The older stumbles inside and shakes the leaves out of his hair. It had been a long while since anyone had climbed through there and the bushes from Halmeoni’s unkempt garden made it that much harder.

“I couldn’t sleep knowing that this was going to be your last night here,” he says, gesturing towards the window. “Aren’t you impressed that I can still climb through that thing?”

Kibum gets up and throws himself into Jinki’s arms, not being able to hold his tears back. “You scared me,” he says, in between sobs. “But I’m so glad you’re here.”

They stay that way for a few minutes, silently in each other’s embrace. Kibum’s soft sobs echoed around the room as Jinki tried his best to keep himself from breaking down as well. The young man held Jinki so tightly that the fabric of the shirt started to wrinkle around Kibum’s fist.

“I h-hate this,” Kibum finally says, choking back sobs.

Jinki leans down and cups Kibum’s face in his hands, wanting to kiss all his tears away.

“Shh,” the older says, trying his best to calm him down. “It’s alright, I’m here.”

Jinki scoops Kibum into his arms and pressed their bodies together as they shared a soft, intimate kiss. He could almost feel the younger man melt into him, as they get lost in each other’s lips. If this was going to be the last time he would get to be with Kibum for a while, he was determined to make it count.

The elder takes the kiss deeper, his hands roaming Kibum’s back slowly. Even through the fabric, he could feel Kibum’s goosebumps rising as he slowly and his knees start to buckle. Neither of them could name a feeling better than this—just being in each other’s arms, exploring each other’s lips. For now, time didn’t matter. Everything was slow and deliberate as if the morning wasn’t racing to catch up to them. 

“I love you, Jinki,” Kibum whispers, overwhelmed by the beating of his heart.

Jinki moves his hands up to the younger’s face, cupping his cheeks so that he could have better control of their kiss. He slips the tip of his tongue slowly between Kibum’s lips, and he responds by parting his lips slowly as well. Soon, their tongues were dancing with each other, and it felt so good that soft groans escaped from Jinki. 

The glow of the moonlight made everything perfect. The young man takes off his shirt, allowing the light to bounce off his smooth, glass skin.

“You’re beautiful,” he breathes, hardly believing that he had Kibum was standing in front of him this way. Looking at the young man almost felt magical. He could stay this way forever.

“So are you,” Kibum responds, faintly.

The younger laces Jinki’s hand in his and they walk slowly over to his bed, careful to not make loud noises. They find themselves in a familiar position from all those years ago, lying on their sides, facing one another intimately.

The elder runs his hands down Kibum’s cheek, with the younger catching his palm with a soft kiss. All the while, they were staring into each other’s eyes, utterly aware of how much love they had between them.

Kibum leans closer and starts to softly kiss Jinki once again. This time, the younger pressed his body close—so close that there was absolutely no space between them. Jinki’s hands were free to roam through Kibum’s delicate skin, and he loved how the younger responded to his touch.

He moves down to Kibum’s neck and leaves a trail of wet kisses before he settles on a spot just underneath the younger’s ear. Jinki lightly sucks on the patch of soft skin, as his arms wrapped tightly around Kibum’s body. He immediately fell in love with this specific spot. It was the perfect place to whisper everything he wanted to say.

“You smell so good,” he says, completely out of breath. “I’m going crazy.”

Jinki’s hot breath hits Kibum’s sensitive ear and the act of him whispering alone was enough to make him moan in pleasure. The elder takes this cue and gently sucks on Kibum’s earlobe and makes his way to licking the folds of his ear.

“Jinki,” he whimpers, as he runs his hands upward from underneath the elder’s shirt, almost begging him to take his shirt off too. Jinki props up onto his elbow and undresses so fast that they didn’t even really need to pull away from one another that long.

The younger hooks his leg around his partner's hips and presses his body into him even more. He adjusts himself for the best possible contact and starts to rock back and forth, massaging his growing erection against Jinki’s. Their pants made rustling noises as they rubbed against each other. This sends shivers down the elder’s spine—not just because of how good it felt, but because of the perfect balance of love and lust in his partner’s eyes.

“Kibum, you’re so sexy,” he groans quietly, as he is finding it more and more difficult to suppress his moans. “You’re making me want you so bad.”

“But I’m already yours,” the younger says, pulling away slightly. He takes Jinki’s hand and guides it down his pants. He leads the elder to grip his member and, as he did so, Kibum did his best to pull his pajamas and boxers down to give Jinki better access.

“I fucking love you,” Jinki says, feeling for himself how hard Kibum was becoming. The way the younger felt in his hand was driving him insane. He could feel the veins in Kibum’s penis as he ran his fingers down his shaft, and the way the younger fit perfectly into his hand was astonishing. A little precum had already seeped out and Jinki loved how it felt. He rubbed his index finger over the tip of Kibum’s penis, feeling every dip and indentation, and spread the liquid over the entire length of him. 

“I love you too… So much,” Kibum whispers, whimpering at how Jinki expertly flicked the tip of his penis with his thumb.

The younger refused to accept that he was the only one feeling this pleasure, so he reaches over and pulls down Jinki’s pants as well, setting his erection free. Soon, their clothes were strewn across the floor in a messy heap.

It was the elder’s turn to whimper as Kibum’s wrapped his warm hand around his member. Jinki’s shaft was thicker and longer, and the young man did his best to cover the entire area with just one hand. The elder was already rock hard and didn’t need much coaxing. Kibum bites his lip as he ran his hand down Jinki’s length over and over again steadily.

The two were in ecstasy, jerking each other off as they looked deeply into one another’s eyes. Neither of them had felt a connection this deep with anyone before. And it made them that much more excited, both of them now rock hard for the other.

With his other arm, Jinki pulls Kibum close and resumes their passionate and slow kiss. It was a good idea to keep their lips occupied, moaning as quietly as they could into each other’s mouths. Their breaths quickened as eagerly pumped their hands up and down each other’s shafts, determined to give pleasure to their beloved partner.

“Baby, I’m getting close,” Jinki whispers, his eyes rolling to the back of his head.

With one swift move, Kibum shoves Jinki’s hand away and pushes him, so that he fell with his back flatly on the bed. The young man swings his leg over his partner’s body and reaches for the elder’s shoulders to steady himself. With a mischievous look on his face, Kibum starts to hold both their penises in his hand and starts to rub their erections together. He does so with a grinding motion, giving Jinki an amazing, erotic view.

Their penises were slick by now and slid against one another with ease. As soon as Kibum was able to establish a grinding rhythm, he sits up and leans back with his hands behind him, holding onto Jinki’s thighs. He closes his eyes, savoring the pleasure, as the elder looked on with awe.

The sight of Kibum grinding on top of him was almost too much to bear. The elder’s heartbeat quickens as he starts to feel a heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“Kibum,” Jinki croaks, placing his hands on either side of the younger’s hips. “I’m so close.”

“Me too, Baby,” Kibum says, leaning forward to whisper in his lover’s ear. The soft moans he was making were incredible. “I wanna cum with you.”

Jinki wraps his arms around the younger and bucks his hips towards him, giving them more friction to work with. He kisses Kibum’s cheek as he whispers. “Shit, Kibum!”

“Jinki, unghhhh,” the younger says, his body stiffening as a tidal wave of pleasure ripples through his body. He hangs his mouth open as he rides his orgasm out.

Kibum’s load was warm and came out strong. The minute that the sticky substance hit Jinki’s stomach, he could no longer control his own anymore. He blows his own load mere seconds after the younger.

“Baby, fuuckk,” he says, his body shaking. His grip around Kibum got tighter and the younger allowed his whole weight to crash on top of Jinki.

They laid like that for a few moments, catching their breath, their chests heaving in unison. A small bead of sweat fell from Kibum’s forehead and onto his cheek, which Jinki kissed lovingly. Their cum was an intermingled mess on their stomachs, but they didn’t care. Holding each other this way, looking into the other’s eyes, being able to breathe as one—this was all that mattered at this moment.

“I love you,” Kibum says, hiding in the crook of Jinki’s neck. “I love you so much, Jinki.”

“I love you too, Kibum,” Jinki says, holding his partner closer. “I will always love you.”

*****

Jinki couldn’t sleep a wink.

Knowing that the clock was ticking compelled him to milk each second for what it was worth. It had been so long since Kibum had fallen asleep like this in his arms. And even though his arm was almost numb by now, he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. It was absolute heaven.

The sex was always amazing, but what he really loved was the stuff that happened after. He and Kibum had a glimpse of how life together could be when they both decided that he should stay for the night. They showered together, brushed their teeth beside each other, finished Kibum’s packing together, and the younger fell asleep after hours of talking. For a few hours, they could pretend that the world stopped turning and focus solely on each other. Jinki was so happy.

Feeling Kibum’s chest rise and fall brought back memories of the many times he lulled him to sleep in the past. It was a comfort to know that some things really don’t change. Seeing the person he loved most looking so content in his arms was the best feeling in the world.

“I love you, Kibum” he whispers, gently caressing the young man’s cheek. “I love you so much.”

He smiles at the way Kibum responded. Even though he was sound asleep, the young man sighed, and a small smile crept across his face. Jinki was even more captivated. It shocked him how much in love he was.

His eyes drift across the room and fall on the clock that was hanging from the wall. It hit him that in a few hours, he would have to go back to his life before Kibum arrived, and it hurt. It hurt like hell.

Tears fall from his face as he holds his precious Kibum closer to him, giving him butterfly kisses on his cheek. The thought of everyday life without the younger by his side felt so empty. It was impossible to let this go.

It was settled.

He couldn’t live without Kibum by his side. So he had to do everything he could to make sure that he wouldn’t.


	17. Back

“Are you sure about this?”

The expression on Kibum’s face was adorable. It was a mixture of joy and concern like he was holding himself back from being too happy about what was happening.

Jinki simply holds up his train ticket in response. “It’s just for a few days, Kibum. It’s going to be alright.”

“I don’t want to take you away from your responsibilities here,” he says, frowning.

Being back home, even just for a short while, showed him just how many people were dependent on Jinki. It was amazing how one person’s hard work could have such a positive impact on those around him. The decision to leave was a bit impulsive, and totally unlike the elder. Kibum didn’t like the thought of Jinki being criticized by other people on account of him, but the latter didn’t want it any other way.

“You’re not,” Jinki says, taking Kibum’s hand in his. “I told you, I needed to come into the city anyway for some meetings, and all I did was schedule them earlier. It might be good for the business in the long run. We’ll see.”

The older shifts his gaze and takes a deep breath. He was a bit shy to let Kibum know the truth. Seeing him go at this point wasn’t something he wanted to live through. He wasn’t ready to let Kibum go just yet.

The train pulls in and they both grab their suitcases and climb on-board.

Being with Kibum was certainly a change in what Jinki was used to, in terms of life’s luxuries. Normally, he would buy the cheapest ticket available and sit in silence the whole way next to a stranger. But for this trip, he had to buy a ticket to the most comfortable spot on the train if he wanted to sit with Kibum. Not that he was complaining. The way the seats looked, every penny already seemed worth it.

“Can you blame me for being worried,” Kibum says, continuing to pout adorably. They find their spots almost immediately and start to settle in, with Jinki stowing their things away with ease. “You’re being awfully secretive about those meetings.”

“Oh, is that it?” The elder says, with a grin. “You could have just asked. If I tell you, do you promise not to overreact?”

“Excuse me, I don’t overreact!”

The older man looks at him squarely and chuckles. He was getting ready to spew out a curated list in his head of the many, many times that Kibum had overreacted when he was beaten to the punch.

“Okay, fine,” Kibum answers, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms as he took a seat. “I won’t overreact. So, what about your meetings?”

“The meetings are for potential investors. Jonghyun-ssi set them up for me. He wants to be part of the potential expansion of the business in the city.”

Kibum stares at him with his eyes bugging out of his head and his mouth half-open. “He--? What?? I can’t believe you tricked me into not reacting to this.”

“Kib, I didn’t ask you not to react. I asked you not to overreact. There’s a difference,” Jinki replies, sitting down beside the younger.

The older man knew this incessant teasing would send Kibum over the edge somehow, and he felt a strange satisfaction in knowing that he was probably the only person on earth who could get away with making Kibum feel this way.

The train starts to move, and the pair finally start their journey.

“This is actually awesome… But… What are you going to tell Jonghyun about us? Are you going to tell him at all?”

Jinki heaves a sigh and reaches over to lace Kibum’s hand in his. “I don’t know… Should I?”

Kibum takes his coat off and snuggles next to the older man, leaning his head on his strong shoulders. “Well, I think the sooner you tell him that I’m spoken for, the better it will be. You need to be careful about that kind of thing if you’re going to be business partners.”

“You’re spoken for, huh?” The elder replies, a blush forming on his cheeks.

“Don’t you want me to be?” Kibum asks, looking up at Jinki expectantly.

After all these years, Kibum’s sly expression hasn’t changed one bit. He had the same boyish glint in his eye that would very easily turn Jinki into putty in his hands. The elder wondered how he had gone on for this long without Kibum by his side.

“You know I do,” he says, leaning in for a quick kiss.

A smile spreads across Kibum’s face. Jinki really knew exactly what to do to make his heart flutter so crazily.

“Okay then,” he says, contentedly. The younger leans his head back on Jinki’s shoulder and hugs his arm close. “I already got a car to pick us up when we get there.”

“Oh, awesome,” Jinki says. “I’ll drop you off first before I go to my hotel.”

Kibum perks up instantly, glaring at Jinki with furrowed eyebrows. “Hotel?”

“I got a room,” the elder answers, nervous that he had offended Kibum. “I-I just didn’t want to assume anything… I don’t want to invade your space.”

“Nope,” Kibum says, matter-of-factly, and waving his hand in the air like he was wafting away some bad small. He returns to his spot, hugging Jinki’s arm. “You’re staying with me. I actually don’t have a guest bed, so you’ll have to squeeze in with me. I don’t think that will be a problem, right?”

“Not at all,” Jinki says, wagging his eyebrows playfully.

“I have early mornings, Lee Jinki. Behave yourself,” he replies, lightly swatting the elder’s arm.

“I won’t make promises I can’t keep,” he says, running his hand down Kibum’s thigh and squeezing it.

“Very wise,” Kibum says, giving Jinki a kiss on his cheek. “I think you’ll make it in the city just fine.”

They both look out the window as their beloved home town zips past, joyful that they were taking the next few steps together.

*****

“Welcome back!!” Soyou says, springing to her feet as soon as she saw Kibum walking in. “I TOLD them this place would fall apart without you.”

“Hi, Soyou,” Kibum says, handing her a cup of coffee. “Here, a morning pick me up. I missed you too.”

“Thank you, Kibum-ssi,” she says, gratefully accepting the warm drink.

She places the drink swiftly on her desk as she follows her boss into his office for their usual morning rundown.

“Messages first?”

“Yes, please,” he says, placing his designer bag on his plush sofa like he usually did. He didn’t realize it before, but he actually missed this place. No matter how much he enjoyed being back home, he couldn’t deny how much he loved his job. 

“From your time off… There are actually so many that I’ve printed some of them out and laid it on your desk. For this morning, Boa-ssi called to check if you were back and she would like to see you as soon as the layout has been settled. Also, your Eomma called and said she hoped you arrived safely. She asked for you to give her a call when you can.”

“Okay,” Kibum says, already seated and looking through the stack of paper on his desk that was either waiting for his attention or his signature. “I did forget to call home when I got in. Thank you.”

“Here,” Soyou says, taking a very large folder from the side of Kibum’s desk and laying it out on the coffee table by his couch. “This is the layout that was sent back. The comments from Boa-ssi are in red. Everyone tried to fix it without you, but as you can see it just got worse…”

“Oh dear, it’s bleeding,” the editor says, his eyes bugging out of his head at the sight of it.

“This is the most important thing for today,” Soyou says. “Do you need me to do anything?”

“Please schedule an emergency meeting with the team as soon as you can. This is fixable, but we’re definitely in a time crunch at this point. We need to figure this thing out by noon at the very latest. Hmm… What else? Oh, for the Ball… I know it’s pretty late notice, but can you figure out a way to squeeze in one more place setting at my table?”

Their magazine’s Fashion Ball was one of the most anticipated events of the year, and it was happening in less than a month. Most of Kibum’s work over the last quarter was making sure that the aesthetic for this year’s theme was executed perfectly. It was next to impossible to get an invitation, even for those who have been in the industry for a while. And for the first time ever, Kibum was hinting at bringing someone with him.

“Uh,” Soyou says, her brows furrowing. “Your table is always full, Kibum-ssi.”

“I know, I know,” he says. “But it’s important for me to make room. Can you help me?”

“You know I would do anything for you, but…” she fidgets in her place, not wanting to get in trouble with anyone. “We would have to bump someone off. I don’t think I can make that call.”

“I know she’s the It Girl of the moment, but I think Jung Chaeyeon is gonna have to sit somewhere else. She can sit with the other actresses. There’s still a free seat at their table, right?”

“A-Alright… I’ll make the necessary adjustments,” Soyou says, taking it all down on her notebook. “And to whom should I assign the seat at your table?”

“Lee Jinki.”

“Lee Jinki. And he is…?” 

“The owner of Fifth Town Artisan Cheese.”

“Cheese?” Soyou says, tilting her head to the side in confusion. All of this really wasn’t making much sense to her.

“I guess… He’s… My boyfriend?” Kibum says, not really sure about putting labels on anything. He makes a mental note to ask Jinki about it when he gets home.

Soyou tried her best to hide the wide smile that crept up onto her face. “Right. Your boyfriend, Lee Jinki.” 

He looks at his long-time assistant and can visibly see that she’s bursting at the seams. “You can say what you want to say, Soyou. It’s alright.”

“Boss, I knew it! I knew there was something different about you! Everyone will be so surprised! I didn’t even think you were interested in dating anyone, and now you have a boyfriend! You should go on vacation more often if this is what you get when you come back—Sorry… I mean… I’m so happy for you. Congratulations,” she says, beaming.

“Thank you,” Kibum replies, smiling widely back at her. It was actually nice to have someone compliment him on his newfound love. He was so proud to be with Jinki. “Well… Don’t think that having a boyfriend will make me soft. There’s work to be done.”

“Yes, Kibum-ssi,” Soyou says, walking quickly back to her desk to tend to her tasks, and closing the office door behind her.

*****

“Hey! You made it! I was worried that you might have gotten lost or something,” Jonghyun says, vigorously shaking Jinki’s hand.

“Almost,” he replies. “This place was a bit hard to find. But I can see why you wanted to come here. This is great!”

It was a hole in the wall shop, but it was filled with customers, even on a Monday afternoon. He even recognized bulk orders being prepared at the back of the store – wheels of cheeses and pounds of cold cuts, all being sliced to perfection.

Everyone was busy picking the best ingredients they could get their hands on. Never did he see a group of people so excited to be around meats and cheeses. It felt like home.

“Isn’t it great?” Jonghyun says. “This is THE deli… The mecca for all the best kitchens around the region: restaurants, hotels, culinary schools, even the smaller delis nearby... They all source from the best. And the best are on these shelves. The only problem is, you’re not in here... Yet.”

Jinki peruses the many kinds of cheese that the deli had on display, and he recognized almost every label. Jonghyun was right. These were the best quality products that money could buy. He would give anything for his creations to even be considered at par with these.

“This is the goal,” the writer says. “You need to get here. If you trust me, I’ll help you do it.”

Jinki’s heart beats faster with excitement. For the first time, he saw the huge potential he had. And he wanted it so bad.

“What’s the first step?”

*****

“Did you have a good vacation?”

Kibum takes a seat opposite his boss in the largest office on their floor. No matter how many times he came here, the view from her window always took his breath away.

“Yes, I did,” he smiles. “Thank you for asking. And thank you for making me go. I didn’t know how much I needed it.”

“Good! I’m glad,” Boa says, her smile seeming to brighten up the room even more. “Really… The team struggled with that layout for the last three days and you got it all under control in a couple of hours. Incredible.”

“Thank you, Boa-ssi,” he says, bowing his head. Getting complimented like this was always overwhelming.

“Do you think you’re ready to take on more?”

His eyebrows furrowed, not really being able to follow.

“The head of the publishing group called me yesterday and told me that they’re keen on launching a new title. You know how we like to hire from within, and he asked me if there’s anyone I could recommend to take the helm. There was really no one better I could think of.”

The young man almost choked on his own saliva. He was in a daze, trying to figure out if he heard his boss correctly. Did she just say that she recommended him for a new magazine?

“I just wanted to give you a heads-up. You might be called to attend more meetings, more dinners, more events. They like getting to know people before making any big decisions. I thought you might want to know that you’re on the short-list of candidates.”

“B-Boa-ssi… A new title? I’m so grateful that you thought of me, truly. But I’m just a fashion editor… I don’t think I’m ready for that…”

“Nonsense,” she says. “You’re a perfect choice: Hardworking, dedicated, a great reputation, and you’re young. You have a fresh take on things. You know how things work. You’ve been ready for a while… I might have selfishly kept you for myself just because you’re so damn good. Having you on vacation showed us the gaps we need to fill when you finally move up the ladder. Those are pretty big gaps, let me tell you… I’m almost wishing that they pass you up so that we won’t lose you but I doubt that’s going to happen.”

Kibum couldn’t bring himself to say another word. He sat there, staring at her, his hands almost shaking with the news. This overshot his wildest dreams by a mile. It was so hard to believe. 

“Do your best in the next few months, Kibum, and this time next year you may very well be Editor-in-Chief of your own magazine.”


	18. Chapter 18

_ “Do you think houses in the city are expensive? Of course they are… Guess apartments will have to do for a while…” Kibum looks up at the sky, watching the clouds roll by. “I’m not sure I can get used to tiny spaces, though. Would you be okay in an apartment for a few years?” _

_ It was one of those afternoons that they could laze around and just be with one another--no chores, no homework, just the quietness of each other’s presence. Like always, they sat on the hill beside each other eagerly awaiting their favorite time of day.  _

_ “Being cramped in a small space doesn’t seem that bad if it’s with you,” Jinki replies, his eyes glued to his journal as he put the finishing touches on his newest sketch of Kibum’s face.  _

_ “I know, but… You know what I mean. It’s weird to think about not having all of this,” he sighs, as he looks around the vastness of the countryside. “There won’t be hills like this for miles in the city.”  _

_ In all his years of planning, this was the first time Kibum said anything remotely negative or doubtful about urban life. It was enough to make Jinki finally look up and give him his full attention.  _

_ “Are you having second thoughts?” _

_ Kibum sits up and heaves a deep sigh. “Maybe just a little bit… I don’t know.” _

_ This particular side of the young man was all for him and him alone. There was no way that he would show even an ounce of weakness or vulnerability to anyone else. But in this moment, Kibum lets his walls down without hesitation. Through the years, Jinki learned to interpret each expression on his face... The small way he furrowed his eyebrows when he was deep in thought, or the way he pursed his lips ever so slightly when he worried about something. By now he had become an expert and all it took was one look. But Kibum’s eyes showed something he didn’t quite expect… Fear. He immediately drops his journal to wrap him in a warm embrace.  _

_ “Everything will be fine, Kib,” he whispers, pressing his temple against the younger’s. “I’m not worried. There’s nothing in the city that you can’t handle… I know it.”  _

_ Kibum’s eyes welled up with tears, hearing exactly what he needed to hear. He leans into Jinki, letting himself be comforted by his warmth and his love.  _

_ “You always know what to say,” he says. _

_ Jinki smiles, totally pleased with himself. Being able to comfort Kibum was one of his life’s great joys. _

_ “Come on,” he says, trying to lighten the mood. “Tell me more about this apartment of yours.” _

_ “Hm, let’s see,” Kibum says, his demeanor changing little by little. His eyes sparkle with excitement as he lets his imagination run wild. “High rise, near the top floor.” _

_ “Of course,” Jinki chuckles. “With the best view.” _

_ “Definitely. I’ll have a big window with heavy black-out curtains that go all the way up to the ceiling so that we can sleep until whatever time we want to. A living room, a working kitchen, two baths and three rooms: A guest room, an office and our master’s. It has to have room for two closets, of course. I know you don’t have much clothes but I’m gonna need the space.” _

_ “Our master’s?” _

_ “Why? Do you want me to shack up with someone else?” Kibum asks, a mischievous smirk on his face. “Stop being silly.” _

_ Jinki was stunned. He didn’t think that he could have made his way into Kibum’s dreams like he has.  _

_ “I’m getting a soft and comfortable beige sofa with lots of fluffy pillows for the living room, across the biggest television money can buy. We have to be comfortable when we watch movies.” _

_ The older crinkles his nose. “Beige is hard to clean. Doesn’t matter what color it is, as long as it’s on the darker side… Less of a pain to clean.”  _

_ “Good point, roomie,” Kibum says, planting a quick peck on Jinki’s cheek. “Deep brown couch, it is.” _

_ “Your future apartment seems lovely,” Jinki says. “Thank you for making me part of it.” _

_ “I couldn’t even think of one if not for you… You know that right? It’ll be our place.” _

_ Jinki throws his arm around the younger’s shoulder and they comfortably lean into each other. Finally, the slivers of color they were waiting for were peeking out from the sky.  _

_ “I know,” he says, placing a soft kiss on Kibum’s forehead. “Our place.” _

***** 

It was nice to be back sleeping in his own bed.

Even better, someone was there beside him.

The young man reaches out to pull Jinki close, but all he felt was an empty space. There was no way he would be able to fall back asleep now, wondering where the older man had gone. He turns his head towards the door and sees it half-open. Begrudgingly, he rises from bed and takes tiny steps towards the sounds coming from the living room.

He trudges towards the soft clacking of the keyboard, not really minding the cold floor beneath his feet. The sun had barely risen and he was a bit ashamed to admit that this was the first time to see his own apartment in this early morning light.

“Good morning,” Kibum says, still rubbing his eyes. 

It wasn’t that surprising that Jinki was already dressed for the day, checking emails on the couch. His hair was still a bit damp and he smelled like Kibum after using things from his ornate collection of soaps and shampoos. There was a half-empty cup of coffee in front of him and an empty plate. For someone who had never been here before, he made himself at home pretty quickly.

“Have you been up long?” The young man asked as he yawned.

“A bit,” Jinki replies, taking his eyes immediately off the screen to plant a morning kiss on Kibum’s cheek. “Did I wake you? Sorry… Getting up before dawn is just a habit, I guess.”

“It’s alright… Wait,” the younger says, lifting the mug from the coffee table and peeking into it. “I have coffee?” 

“You didn’t,” Jinki says, chuckling. “I got some at the store last night, plus some other things. How could your kitchen be so bare?”

“I don’t have time for food in the morning...”

“Maybe it’s because you wake up so late,” Jinki teases.

“Seven isn’t late. I’m never late,” the younger pouts. “ _ You _ were late. I was already half-asleep when you got home.”

“I wasn’t that late, you were just tired,” Jinki says, smiling at the younger’s faux tantrums. “Your office missed you, huh?” 

“There was so much work waiting for me, I couldn’t believe it…” Kibum says, realizing there was a reason he tried to wait up for Jinki. “I have to tell you something… I’m up for a promotion. My boss recommended me to be Editor-in-Chief of a new title and I’m on the short list of candidates. I could be the head of my own magazine. Isn’t that crazy?”

“Oh, wow!” Jinki says, ecstatically, immediately pulling Kibum in for an embrace. “That’s great! Congratulations!”

“Don’t congratulate me just yet,” he says, heaving a deep sigh. “I need to impress a lot of people if I want even a shot at it. The Fashion Ball just became a hundred times more important for my career… Like I’m not stressed enough about it as it is.”

“I’m sure everything will be fine,” Jinki says, smiling at him. “You’ll do great. I know it.”

Kibum’s heart pounds in his chest as he prepares to ask something that he had been dying to ask the older for quite some time now. 

“You’ll be there, right...?”

The question shouldn’t have come as a surprise, but Jinki was still stunned that Kibum would so readily invite him into his world like this.

“Uh… I can if you want me to be… But… I don’t really know how to fit in with that crowd, to be honest. Plus, I don’t have anything to wear.”

“You’re such a sweetheart, everyone will love you. As for your clothes… Leave that to me,” Kibum says, hugging Jinki’s arm close to his chest. “You can trust me with that stuff. My boyfriend will be the best looking guy there.” 

“Boyfriend...?”

The younger’s body goes rigid at the realization of what he just said. He didn’t mean to say it at all, especially not as casually as this. It just felt like the natural thing to say in the moment. In a split second, Kibum decides to lean into it. After all, they were going to have to talk about this sooner or later, anyway.

“Yeah… I assumed that this is what this was… Sorry, is that okay?”

It felt like a million years before Jinki said anything back. Panic starts to rise up in Kibum, and he internally scolds himself for being so forward. But all those thoughts were immediately shut down when Jinki tenderly reached out to lace his hand with the younger’s.

“More than okay… I’d really like that,” Jinki replies, a crimson shade flooding his cheeks. 

They stare at each other with all the love that they had kept for each other all those years. Nothing else needed to be said. Both of them knew that this was the right step.

“I guess I should start my day, too,” Kibum says, hastily getting up from the couch, not wanting to let Jinki see that his face was bright red as well. “I’ll go take a shower, ok?”

“Okay, I’ll make you something to eat by the time you’re done,” Jinki says. 

The older watches Kibum disappear into the master’s bedroom and sighs, taking a good look around. After everything that did and didn’t happen between them, he never imagined that he would be in the younger’s city apartment, having spent the night. The sun was getting brighter by the minute, and he allowed himself to take everything in for the first time. 

His breath hitched in his throat as he remembered a long-forgotten conversation reflected in the very space he was now in. If he had any doubt before if Kibum had ever stopped loving him, his answer was staring him right in the face. 

“A deep brown sofa,” he whispers to himself, overwhelmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo! Thank you so much for being patient with the updates on this one. I'm trying to finish the entire thing right now, and have actually laid down the beats and storyline up to the end. Thing is, it's taking so long for me to write it all. I'm so sorry! Hope this chapter can tide y'all over 'til then. Thanks again for your patience and for reading my stuff! Appreciate you, always. -B


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